WHO NEEDS TAYLOR SWIFT AND SUMMER FUN WHEN THE NBA IS IN FULL SWIRL?

The wheels of player empowerment keep spinning too wildly, with Lillard and Harden (again) demanding trades in a period of astoundingly ample contracts for three jackasses: Draymond, Kyrie and Brooks

     They sure know how to entertain us, don’t they? Crazy how another summer of hopscotching NBA mercenaries — craving nine-figure contracts, social-media love and Larry O’Briens, usually in that twisted order — can sustain so much drama and coverage amid the diversions of post-pandemic America.

     The beach? Europe? Theme parks? Swifties, everywhere? Shohei Ohtani? The “Barbie” movie? The “Oppenheimer” movie? There is plenty to deflect attention spans from migrants, mass shootings, Russian mutiny, French racism and TikTok.

     Evidently, enough people also crave the ongoing theater of Damian Lillard. The thrillmaking scoring machine tried to finesse an impossible balance beam — first telling Trail Blazers management he wishes to stay in Portland, then requesting a trade to Miami days later — when it was obvious a week earlier he wanted out. That’s when a DJ inside a Paris club JUST HAPPENED to play the Will Smith rap “Miami,” without the slap, when Lillard was in the crowd. And JUST HAPPENED to play Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody,” featuring the line, “I wanna feel the HEAT with somebody.” One Instagram Live video post later, Dame became the latest in the never-ending procession of superstars who tire of life outside the postseason limelight and demand new destinations, which is known as superteam-chasing. He senses Oregon has too many lumberjacks and not enough, well, fun to lure big-time players in a futile championship quest.

     By now, after the triumphant reminders of Nikola Jokic in Denver and Giannis Antetokounmpo in Milwaukee, Lillard should know superteams are passe. He can join hands with Jimmy Butler and Bam Adebayo — who gets the critical fourth-quarter looks, Dame or Playoff Jimmy? — but the league is trending away from forced talent collections. The Eastern Conference is negotiable for another Heat run, sure. But as seen in Phoenix, where bulldog owner Mat Ishbia doesn’t grasp that Kevin Durant must share one ball with Devin Booker and Bradley Beal while defense is required by all, the talent haul that Pat Riley must relinquish would further weaken Miami’s already depleted depth. In a superteam dream, the Heat and Suns would play in unbearable June weather in Florida and Arizona.

     But as Durant knows, in his reluctant role as prince of the superteam failures since foolishly escaping one in the Bay Area, something inevitably goes wrong. Are we supposed to take seriously the concept that James Harden, run out of Philadelphia by the boss who was supposed to save his career, will come to Los Angeles and win a title with the Clippers? As long as Kawhi Leonard and Paul George practice load management like a second religion, and as long as strip joints are open for Harden on Hollywood Boulevard, this would be just another way station for a trio of careers headed toward underachievement. Once the league MVP, Harden will be playing for his fourth team since 2021. We’re only halfway through 2023. He’d hoped to return to Houston, but the Rockets and their hardass new coach, Ime Udoka, didn’t want him, either, preferring Fred VanVleet. Should Harden just ditch the beard after all these years, and see if any small animals fall out, while pushing the reset button on his attitude?

     Much of this annoying entitlement, a symptom of the player empowerment enabled by commissioner Adam Silver, makes us cringe and seek primal scream therapy. We watch and react anyway. Sometimes, I think free agency exists just to give ESPN something to overkill while counting days to NFL training camps. As soon as trade demands and contract agreements began to pour in Friday night, we were left to ponder the startling fallout all weekend.

     Only in the NBA can Draymond Green cold-cock teammate Jordan Poole in practice, force Poole’s eventual trade to the non-descript Washington Wizards, and land a four-year, $100 million contract. He has bamboozled the Golden State Warriors — a franchise owned, coached and led on court by brilliant men — into thinking he should be part of long-term title contention that isn’t going to happen. The Warriors are old, with the health of Steph Curry and Klay Thompson subjected to human realities, and they just grew older with the acquisition of Chris Paul, 38, once the Point God but now the Point Gimp. “We need a shift,” coach Steve Kerr said. What they need is a commitment that Baby Dray will start acting his age, which never will happen after the Warriors let a bully win in a continuing bad look for an otherwise special organization.

     Only in the NBA can Kyrie Irving wear out his welcome in the league, where there was only minimal interest in his breathtaking talents after he sabotaged three teams as a serial distraction, and convince owner Mark Cuban to give him $126 million to stay in Dallas the next three years. Rather than exhibit some sort of new maturity and ignore the social-media barbs of pundit Bill Simmons, who wasn’t impressed by the new deal, Kyrie fired a retaliatory tweet: “I see you couldn't help yourself with this one huh Billy Boy. Just wanna say I appreciate you and continue to be the person you are. My Tribe says hello.” Seems Irving also suffers from arrested adolescence, which doesn’t bode well for any triumphant partnership with Luka Doncic, who also must grow up and stop yelling at referees. “I think Luka and Ky work together,” general manager Nico Harrison said, guessing more than knowing.

     Only in the NBA can Austin Reaves, an undrafted swingman who emerged as a nice complimentary piece last season, return to the Lakers with a four-year, $56 million deal. Dennis Rodman, wherever he’s drinking these days, would suggest the pricey signing happened only because Reaves is white. Rather than sign Irving and appease LeBron James, who still claims to be pondering retirement, general manager Rob Pelinka wisely split the money pot between Reaves, D’Angelo Russell, Gabe Vincent, Rui Hachimura, Cam Reddish and Taurean Prince. Not so wise was a final deal with center Jaxson Hayes, whose no contest plea in a 2021 domestic dispute will lead to morality debates in southern California: Why were the Dodgers (and Los Angeles media) so quick to cancel pitcher Trevor Bauer, who never was arrested or charged with a crime, when Hayes actually was convicted? I emailed Times columnist Bill Plaschke and wondered about his double standard, in particular. Does he do multi-million-dollar favors for the Dodgers when they need a public-relations push? Haven’t heard back from Bill. But we have heard from LeBron, who posted photos of the new signees on social media. Does it mean he’s not retiring?

     Only in the NBA can Dillon Brooks, last seen striking James in the groin and dismissing him as “old,” command $80 million over four years from the Rockets. “I poke bears,” he said, which led the Memphis Grizzlies to dump him immediately after a first-round playoff loss. He went on to say, “The media making me a villain, the fans making me a villain and then that just creates a whole different persona on me.” That persona — the a-hole quotient — apparently is valued in a league that showers Green, Irving and Brooks with wealth. At least he’s out of Memphis, where he couldn’t have been a good influence on handgun-troubled Ja Morant, who now will be counseled by Marcus Smart and Derrick Rose. 

     And only in the NBA do all eyes promptly turn to Antetokounmpo, who should be pleased that the Bucks retained Khris Middleton and Brook Lopez. But reports are surfacing that he won’t sign an extension this offseason, meaning he could be next in the portal of wandering eyeballs. New York Knicks, anyone? Lakers? Miami? An expansion team in Greece?

     I’m about ready for a Taylor Swift concert. Oh, that costs nine figures, too.

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     Jay Mariotti, called “without question the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ writes general sports columns for Substack while appearing on some of the 1,678,498 podcasts and shows in production today. He is an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and talk/podcast host. Living in Los Angeles, he gravitated by osmosis to film projects.