WANT TO WATCH BASEBALL? PLAYERS ARE WEARING SEE-THROUGH UNIFORMS
Thanks to Nike and Fanatics, the new garb is so flimsy and amateurish that players are exposing bats and balls, yet another blunder by commissioner Rob Manfred and owners who can’t get anything right
When in doubt, they say, introduce a mantastic revue show. If baseball players must wear uniforms, just give them the bare minimum, where the only cutters on Casey Schmitt’s uniform were evident in his crotch region on team photo day. That was simply in the San Francisco camp, where a fan on social media commented, “When it’s raining, gonna be see through.”
Magic Mike, actually.
Chippendales, back in the day.
Everywhere else in the majors, from Shohei Ohtani to the last guy on the roster, the sport’s new uniforms have such an explicit effect that they’ll make us watch the World Series and other games off our timetables. Let’s compare the bat sizes. See who has the real changeups and knucklers. That will get our minds off the sport’s varied issues, including the number of owners who should be selling franchises — John Fisher, Jerry Reinsdorf, Arte Moreno, Dick Monfort, Bob Nutting, the Lerners — while commissioner Rob Manfred starts checking off his calendar through 2028.
We’d love to laugh. But how? The fashionistas tried to add mobility to daily wear and only created another fiasco, with Nike blamed for poor design and the flimsy engineering of Fanatics making us wonder about Michael Rubin’s place in sports. “A lot of the rhetoric was confirmation that it appears the pants are see-through,” said Tony Clark, unamused as executive director of the Players Association. “It's been an ongoing conversation where each day has yielded something new that doesn't seem to make as much sense as you would like it.” In any other workplace, a need to wear transparent clothing would be enough to go home. Think someone will take bosses to court if too much is dangling?
“I know everyone hates them,” Phillies shortstop Trea Turner said.
Worse than their natural tumble, the Nike Vapor Premiers look shoddy. Names on the backs have been reduced to where they shouldn’t exist. Who knew letters and numbers were so damned bulky? In some clubhouses, workers have failed to find fittable pants and force players to use old pairs from years ago. “The universal concern is the pant,” said Clark, who calls the look “amateurish.”
In Cubs camp, shortstop Dansby Swanson thinks his team’s colors have been shortchanged. With only one championship in 116 years, the fans deal with another cheap mishap. “Cubbie blue is its own blue, right? This blue on the uniform is a little bit different than Cubbie blue. So how can we just recapture that?” he said. “It doesn’t need to change. I think that they will probably have to end up figuring out a way to kind of go back to what it used to be.”
But will they? To hear Manfred — who can’t even figure out uniforms in a dismal tenure — his office may or may not be listening. Why didn’t he have players try out the new garb months ago so corrections could be made? “I think after people wear them for a little bit, they’re going to be really popular,” he said last week. This week has brought nothing but complaints in Arizona and Florida, meaning he’ll attempt a quick fix in spring training. And we wonder why he can’t wait to retire.
“Like every spring training, Fanatics team services, Nike and MLB representatives are visiting camps to meet with all players, conduct uniform fitting sessions with them and get their feedback on how their uniforms fits,” a statement read Thursday. “Based on player requests, adjustments are being made to jersey size, waist, in-seam, length, thigh fit and the bottom of their pants. The goal of these meetings is to provide players with the most comfortable uniforms available for Opening Day. We are in close contact with our clubs and uniform partners to ensure clubs have what they need for Opening Day.”
Nothing was said about the see-through issue, of course. Maybe try starting over. “There are some teams that don’t have pants,” Clark said. “There are other teams that are supposed to be receiving certain things before the start of the year. There are others that — in the event they have an issue with the pants and a player needs a new pair — don’t have anything in reserve.”
Meanwhile, potshots at owners keep piling up. “It looks like a replica,” Angels outfielder Taylor Ward said. “It feels kind of like papery. … From the looks of it, it doesn’t look like a $450 jersey. So far, thumbs down.” When the likes of Mike Trout, Corbin Carroll and Jason Heyward have applauded the uniforms, it’s hard for some fans to feel too bad.
“Pants are pants. We’re going to wear them,” Padres pitcher Joe Musgrove said. “If they don’t fit right, you’ll deal with it. It’s not the most important thing. Honestly, our job is to go out there and play baseball. So you can b—- all you want about not liking the pants, but you’ve got to deal with it.”
They are major leaguers, though, not men who go shopping for wardrobes at the mall. “We are on the phone with the requisite parties that are involved in making that decision because we aren’t,” Clark said. “We’re trying to make sure our guys have what they need in the fashion that they need. And it’s reflective of what being a major-league ballplayer should be reflective of. I’d hate to be in a place where we’re still having conversations about some of the challenges we have in that regard once the lights come on.”
Until then, players will keep tossing barbs about knockoff jerseys from T.J. Maxx. A group of outfielders should stop time and show up in G-strings, with “I’ve Been Naughty” tank tops. That might coax people in Oakland to show up.
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Jay Mariotti, called “without question the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ writes general sports columns for Substack while appearing on some of the 1,678,498 podcasts and shows in production today. He is an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and talk/podcast host. Living in Los Angeles, he gravitated by osmosis to film projects.