THE BEARS ARE A NATIONAL FOLLY — DOUG KRAMER JR.? — AS POLES AWAITS HIS FIRING
The return of the 300-pound fumbler — without reporting to an official — means Kevin Warren must change general managers, to help the next head coach, while ESPN’s Troy Aikman roasted Caleb Williams
Doug Kramer Jr. is from the Chicago suburb of Hinsdale. He is 300 pounds and was drafted in the sixth round by the Bears. There was a time when his hometown and the University of Illinois would have celebrated his career.
Today, he might seek a new profession.
And Thomas Brown could try the same path.
Not two months after taking a handoff at Washington’s 1-yard line — which he fumbled away and launched one of the most godawful seasonal collapses in NFL history — Kramer entered a game Monday night and returned as a fullback. The ball was at the Minnesota 1. If this wasn’t the worst of karma, Kramer somehow would turn a season of wreckage into a career of infamy. He did not approach an official and report as an eligible receiver.
Did he not know? Did he forget? Was he not coached?
That meant a rare touchdown, in the third quarter, was nullified in a 30-12 loss. Twice this season, Kramer Jr. has fumbled one shot and killed off another. I am not certain what is happening at Halas Hall between games, but this was idiocy. Was Brown trying to relive Refrigerator Perry … again? If Kramer had scored against the Commanders, the Bears likely would have been 5-2. Instead, his blunder led to Tyrique Stevenson’s bluster with sideline fans and the Hail Scary that ruined Matt Eberflus’ head-coaching career, Caleb Williams’ rookie season and likely the general managing days of Ryan Poles.
Want more ugliness, from a man who was replacing Cosmo Kramer as the funniest TV character by that name? He was told to re-enter two plays later, also at the Minnesota 1. Why? Was Brown trying to sacrifice human lives in a metropolis far beyond madness over this team and other sports franchises? It didn’t matter, as D’Andre Swift lost two yards and rookie left tackle Kiran Amegadjie was called for holding.
Oh, there’s another reason Brown should head home. Stevenson, who is lucky to have a job, intercepted a pass and ran back to the stands. Holding the ball, he clapped his hands and yelled “Skol!” at Vikings fans.
Kramer, Stevenson and Brown. Never a law firm. Always a dumpster fire.
Just end the season now, at 4-13.
After Washington, Kramer thanked Shane Waldron for ‘’having the trust in me to call it. I made a mistake, dropped the ball on the 1-yard line.” The Bears dismissed Waldron and replaced him with Brown, who eventually replaced Eberflus as coach.
And Brown summoned Kramer once again, as America laughed. "100 percent on me. Forgot to report,” Kramer said. “Ran on the field, clock was running down, got in the huddle and ran the play. It's an unacceptable mistake. Obviously, I apologized to all my teammates, everyone on the offense. Things like that can't happen."
The next general manager of the Bears, poor soul, might be wondering why Williams was playing. Two more sacks against the all-white-wearing Vikings left him with 58, only 18 short of all-time NFL assault leader David Carr with three games remaining. A brutal second-half hit might prompt him to ask why the league has a draft — and he’s the sucker in Chicago. Did he almost crash in a daze on the bench? Placing him in a bin of solitary confinement would help the next GM.
That change is beyond logical, within weeks, even as president Kevin Warren claims Poles is the “point person” to find a new head coach. Nothing is believable from Warren, whether it’s where he wants to build a stadium or who qualifies as his Halas Hall lapdog. Clearly he will pick the coach, whether George McCaskey likes it or not, and the coach will want his own GM.
Ben Johnson would want Ray Agnew, who has helped the Lions as an assistant GM for years. Mike Vrabel has made it apparent, after front-office snafus with the Titans, that he wants a GM in place — such as Ryan Cowden, who was helping him in Tennessee before both were canned. Why would the Bears want to elongate their internal turmoil and hire the men in charge when they time-overlap other executives? Poles must depart not only because he hired Eberflus when Indianapolis was about to fire him and carried on when Eberflus should have been fired last offseason.
Start anew, rotten football bunch.
Even if Williams will have his third head coach — including Brown — and his second general manager and his fourth offensive coordinator in a second year when he might be counting down the days when he can move on himself. The season’s 10th loss was barely underway when Williams was crunched from behind by linebacker Jonathan Greenard and fumbled. Blake Cashman recovered, and the Vikings soon had a 10-0 lead after a scoring pass by Sam Darnold, who has become the best former USC quarterback while Williams aches through an oppressed rookie season.
“Sacks are a quarterback’s sacks,” said analyst Troy Aikman, the Hall of Famer, who once started 0-11 as a rookie. “You watch Caleb, and he has not gotten the ball out of his hands in a timely manner. … The ball just doesn’t come out. Throughout this season, he’s not anticipating where you throw the football.”
So the Bears, without help for a magical college player, finish off another dreadful season in a dreadful generation. We watch only to make sure The Sackster doesn’t blow out a knee or an ankle or a brain cell. “I’ve never had a streak like this of losing,” said Williams, who now counts to eight when, in his life, he never suffered more than three straight defeats. He continues to look to a future when Bears fans haven’t seen light in decades. He has home games against hungry Detroit and playoff-seeking Seattle on the night after Christmas, then a road game against title-contending Green Bay. There is a chance Williams will be injured, with proof as haunting as Patrick Mahomes stumbling away with a high ankle sprain and Trevor Lawrence suffering a concussion that helped end his season.
Why are the Bears risking it?
“The Chicago Bears are itching to be put to sleep,” ESPN’s Ryan Clark said.
“Chicago has to prove they belong in the NFL,” Jason Kelce said.
“It’s a hard way to go,” Aikman said.
Hello, Kevin Warren?
Sorry, he’s telling people why he was instrumental in building U.S. Bank Stadium in Minneapolis when he can’t grab a politician’s earlobe about a Chicago lakefront site. If Warren isn’t careful, as he gabs about glass-enclosed buildings, he might lose Williams to a stretcher, such as when he scrambled before a punt and got up slowly. “Slow to react,” said Aikman, referring to his choice of running before throwing the ball.
When in doubt, on fourth down, Brown failed in using Swift to push through the Vikings. The only Swift in the NFL isn’t D’Andre, especially when Amegadjie is starting in place of Braxton Jones. Warren should have asked the Vikings how they hired Kevin O’Connell, who might push them deep in the NFC playoffs. This was another special night for fans, who saw Justin Jefferson score and wish Randy Moss well as he battles cancer. “We love you, Randy,” he said.
Caleb? Somewhere, his next coach was cringing like the rest of us. “Say you get in three car accidents a month,” said Williams, whose body is filled with bruises and cuts. “You’re going to feel it. That’s what a hit is (like) in football.”
Why take the gamble and have him swallowed? Why endanger an ugly season and prompt career jeopardy? Warren was too busy speaking to the media, as he often does. Did he notice how Poles was given heavy air time — Aikman and Joe Buck know the story — on the broadcast?
“Next item I want to make sure we’re clear about is Ryan Poles is the general manager of the Chicago Bears and he will remain the general manager of the Chicago Bears,” he said two weeks ago. “I’m confident in Ryan. My faith remains strong in him.”
Until the first Monday of January.
If not today.
###
Jay Mariotti, called “without question the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ writes general sports columns for Substack while appearing on some of the 1,678,498 podcasts and shows in production today. He is an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and talk/podcast host. Living in Los Angeles, he gravitated by osmosis to film projects.