TEAM USA WANTS TO VISIT THE LOUVRE IN PARIS, BUT MIGHT IT BE THE LUGE?

Led by LeBron, Curry, Durant and You Name It — Edwards says he’s “the number one option” — the Americans should win the Olympics unless Wembanyama, Jokic and Gilgeous-Alexander have other big ideas

     A dope will compare Victor Wembanyama to the Eiffel Tower, though I’d choose the Louvre, which a former U.S. Olympian once called “the luge.” Michael Jordan laughed when corrected, and even he marvels at the tale of The Alien, who has a wingspan of eight feet and a shoe size of 21 and the ability to throw himself an alley-oop off the glass. He is at least 7 feet 4, but a height doctor telling the truth will project higher.

     That means the American team would face two French big men, in Wembanyama and 7-2 Rudy Gobert, with 7-foot Joel Embiid, 6-10 Anthony Davis and 6-9 Bam Adebayo. We should thank our stars and stripes that Embiid, who gained French citizenship two years ago, chose us instead of France. We are undersized, stunningly, and one would think a backcourt of Steph Curry and Anthony Edwards should be mighty enough to overpower Nicolas Batum and Evan Fournier.

     But these are the Olympics, in Paris, playing with FIBA rules that are concocted on a Transylvanian mountainside.

     “I can’t wait to face them, it will be a very interesting matchup,” Wembanyama said. “I believe it’s the biggest competition for an athlete. I’m going to approach it like everything else in my life: a sporting pleasure.”

     Are we still thinking Team USA will have an easy time? In the opening stage of Group C, there shouldn’t be much problem against Puerto Rico and South Sudan. But Serbia? Say hi to Nikola Jokic, the NBA’s three-time MVP, who will have the help of supposedly unrelated Nikola Jovic and Bogdan Bogdanovic. Another team has the hero of last year’s playoffs and the player who ranked third among MVP candidates. That would be Canada, with Jamal Murray and Shai Gilgeous-Alexander helped by RJ Barrett, Dillon Brooks, Lu Dort, Andrew Nembhard and Kelly Olynyk. Greece? Giannis Antetokounmpo. Australia? Josh Giddey, Patty Mills, Joe Ingles and Dante Exum. Germany? Franz and Mo Wagner.

     So be advised to study Steve Kerr and his team with appropriate concern. The coach says every player on his roster will reach the Hall of Fame, but all that superlative does is inspire ultra-egos. Already, we have Edwards extending the cred of his life-changing postseason, saying, “I’m still the number one option. Y’all might look at it differently. … They’ve got to fit in around me. That’s how I feel.” Is he kidding? Not when he has the ball, even if LeBron James, Kevin Durant, Curry and Embiid are nearby.

     You think Curry, who never has won a gold medal, wants to hear that junk on the first weekend? Not too patriotic, was it? What about James, who has been rocked by Bronny criticism and was unable to recruit Klay Thompson and DeMar DeRozan to the Lakers? Isn’t it time to show the world how he operates approaching 40? Think Durant, bugged by strained calves, wants to prove he’s Captain America again? Jayson Tatum and Jrue Holiday just won a league championship. Kawhi Leonard has been load managing for this opportunity. Devin Booker, Tyrese Haliburton … and is Cooper Flagg, who excelled during a scrimmage Monday, eligible before he plays for Duke?

     Have a fun debate determining whether this team is better than the Dream Team in the ‘90s. But that Godzilla didn’t face a new global order. This team plays a planet that scams MVP awards. The U.S. should win gold. Or the U.S. could lose. I will be at Accor Arena for the semifinals, and this time, I won’t be tempted to drive a motor bike to a destination 30 miles away — Athens to Marathon, in 2004 — during which I missed the first minutes of American infamy.

     “This is not 1992 — Steph and I are not going to be like Chuck Daly and Michael, we’re not playing golf every day,” Kerr said. “Chuck and Michael had a great time together on game days, playing 36. Those days are long gone. We have our hands full, despite the amazing roster we have. It’s remarkable to see the talent in front of me as I’m addressing the team.”

     The roster blitzes our eyeballs. “We’ve got 39 days or so to get locked in to go get this gold medal, 12 amazing, talented guys ready to come together for one goal. That’s why I’m here,” Curry said. “I’m hyped for it all.”

     “You can feel the greatness in the room,” Holiday said.

     “Moving around — that’s what’s stood out the most to me,” Durant said. “You see these dudes and you compete against them, and some of these dudes you probably don’t like during the regular season. And then you get with them and you see who they are as people, see their approach to the game. It’s inspiring to be around.”

     “I’m here to have a good summer,” James said. “Our only goal is to win a gold medal.”

     But then, there’s Antetokounmpo. “We have nothing to lose. I really believe we have an incredible team and we can accomplish something special,” he said.

     And Gilgeous-Alexander. “No, I don’t worry at all,” he said of the U.S. “At the end of the day, they’re basketball players. Now they may be some of the best in the world, but our team has some of the best in the world as well. We don’t fear any of them.”

     Some observers question which players will start for America. I would be worried about who shoots the ball in the final minute, because games will extend to the end in a country that wants to see Victor as the hero. The Louvre could be the luge, if we are not careful.

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     Jay Mariotti, called “without question the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ writes general sports columns for Substack while appearing on some of the 1,678,498 podcasts and shows in production today. He is an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and talk/podcast host. Living in Los Angeles, he gravitated by osmosis to film projects.