STOP LAUGHING AT THE DIAMONDBACKS, WHO MIGHT WIN THE WORLD SERIES
Imagine a team with a minus-15 run differential reaching the Fall Classic, but in a wild-card-happy format, Arizona is showing a new way of shutting up Chris Russo and astonishing a world of critics
Oh, the smackings are just beginning. How about the backup catcher of the Phillies, Garrett Stubbs, creating a “beeline” to clinch a pennant in the outfield pool as Arizona fans sold tickets? What about abolishing a swivel-eyed stat, run differential, after the Diamondbacks finished the regular season with minus-15?
And Chris Russo? Did he retire from sportscasting? Howard Stern even made a suggestion Wednesday, telling Mad Dog to wear a Diamondbacks bikini because he promised to stop working if they won the National League pennant. “How about this? You come on my show ... we put you in a bikini, all right?” Stern said. “And you walk down the street with a sign that says ‘I’m a douche.’ If you do that, people will say, ‘OK, it's all right — Mad Dog is suffering.’ ’’
Torey Lovullo is waiting for the pink slip. “I would love to see him quit,” the manager crackled. “There’s nothing better than a wise-guy New Yorker saying something and then having to chomp on those words.”
Not only is Russo chomping and still gaining employment, the Diamondbacks head to the 119th World Series as the co-losingest team in major-league history. Only the 2006 St. Louis Cardinals also qualified with 78 regular-season losses, which is only three short of a .500 record and hardly emblematic of a Western rattlesnake known to inject copious amounts of venom. Know how shocked they are in Philadelphia, where fans ceased a love-in realizing Harptober has returned to October? The bottom of the team’s Tuesday night itinerary said, “TOMORROW (Travel to Texas): Report 12 p.m.”
Like the Los Angeles Dodgers and Milwaukee Brewers and a major-money team that fell short of the playoffs, the Chicago Cubs, the Phillies are escaping for a long winter. The Diamondbacks lost 110 games two years ago. Suddenly, they are four wins away from one of the most astounding championships ever. If we made fun of the Texas Rangers and who exactly they are in life, their Series rivals are almost slapstick … but there we go, like Russo. You should know about Ketel Marte, who, like Adolis Garcia of the Rangers, is becoming a star at age 30. “There were times this year where it was like, how do you even pitch this guy? He is kind of back in that mode right now. It’s special to watch,” said Corbin Carroll, who is something to watch himself and will be inscribed as Rookie of the Year. Yet these are not teams that children have posted on their bedroom walls, including in Phoenix and Dallas-Fort Worth.
“I don’t look at the betting lines very often, but we were like plus-200,” said Arizona third baseman Evan Longoria, who is 38 and can’t believe he’s back here. “Basically like, we shouldn’t even show up. We have MLB Network on in here 24 hours. We’re seeing what people are saying about us.”
What we’re saying — now — is that the Diamondbacks are a small-market club with a 20th-rated payroll and showing how to win in a wild-card-happy postseason. The most rabid bettor never would have taken an Arizona-Texas matchup — 1,750-to-1 odds last winter — in a Series that Fox Sports hates. This likely will draw the lowest-ever number of Series viewers. If you like competitive baseball, as seen in two wondrous seven-game title series, you’d be wrong to tune out. “The Brewers were supposed to beat us. The Dodgers were supposed to beat us. The Phillies were supposed to beat us,” submarine-style reliever Ryan Thompson said. “They’re gonna say that the Rangers are supposed to beat us, too. We’ll see how it goes.”
The cause was created by general manager Mike Hazen, who worked for years as a Boston Red Sox assistant in the fertile tree of Theo Epstein. The thrills have brought laughter to Hazen’s world since last season, when he lost his wife, 45-year-old Nicole, to brain cancer. When the team clinched its wild-card berth earlier this month, the players chanted his name by Chase Field’s pool and he joined them in celebrating. He thought about not returning to the job and raising his four sons, who wanted him to remain the GM. Now he’s in the World Series, with a contract through 2028, telling the Washington Post he’s forever grateful for the help of his assistants and the team’s front office, including principal owner Ken Kendrick. Without them, he would have left.
“The level of appreciation I have, I can’t express. I tell them that, but it’s not enough,” he said. “I don’t think I’m being overly dramatic. That is a fact.”
This is a World Series reminding us about the world. Hazen carries on. Lovullo can’t stop thinking about 110-loss 2021, saying, “I’ve thought about it 100 times. I’ve thought about it 110 times. I can’t wrap my arms around it. We’re a small-market organization, and we’ve done it from within.”
So does Bruce Bochy, manager of the Rangers, who thought he was through in baseball until he got a call last offseason from general manager Chris Young. “I don’t think about me. I’m riding their backs, trust me,” Bochy said. “It’s unreal that I’m here, to be honest. Sitting at the house for three years, and think here I am going to a World Series. Yeah, that’s special. But it’s more about them and trying to find a way to get a ring for those guys.”
Who are they? Both teams?
They’re playing for a championship. Chris Russo will have to mention that on ESPN and the MLB Network, several hundred times.
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Jay Mariotti, called “without question the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ writes general sports columns for Substack while appearing on some of the 1,678,498 podcasts and shows in production today. He is an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and talk/podcast host. Living in Los Angeles, he gravitated by osmosis to film projects.