STAPLES CENTER TO CRYPTO.COM ARENA: ARE YOU REALLY SHEDDING TEARS?

The legacies and memories of 22 years aren’t going anywhere, nor is the building, but people somehow are upset about the naming-rights change of a fabled Los Angeles sports venue

     Heavens to paper clips and gel pens, it’s just a name, people! Staples Center, R.I.P., merely represented the branded marketing strategy of an office supplies chain, one that currently offers select printers for as low as $109.99 while adding a ream of paper for $7.99.

     And you’re actually letting your heads explode, amid these daunting times when brainpower shouldn’t be wasted, over a naming-rights flip to Crypto.com Arena? Shouldn’t you be a bit more concerned about the Kyle Rittenhouse verdict and what comes next in our racially divided republic? And the whereabouts of Chinese tennis player Peng Shuai, who went missing after alleging that a former government official sexually assaulted her? And how many people are about to be served a COVID-19 cocktail at the holidays?

     Let’s direct our angst in appropriate directions. Once sports sold out to corporate logos on jerseys, ads on everything but toilet seats and a legal gambling craze that threatens to swallow the industry whole, who honestly viewed an arena/stadium name as anything but another way to make a fortune at romanticism’s expense?

     The other night, I attended an NBA game in a building in downtown Los Angeles, as I had dozens of times before. I gazed at the banners on the wall and reflected on what this theater has meant to sports and entertainment. I covered the Lakers as they won championships on the hardwood. I watched Kobe Bryant, Shaquille O’Neal and other legends, as they were watched by Jack Nicholson and Hollywood people sitting courtside. I bopped my head, but resisted dancing, as the Red Hot Chili Peppers played the hits and managed to keep their clothes on. I even saw Lady Gaga, who barely kept her clothes on.

     And not once, while taking in the pleasures, did I think, “Wow, I’m at Staples Center!!!’’ No, I was observing human beings in their underwear, performing for the masses. What we’ll remember are the moments, the stars and, sure, the venue where we saw them. But who gives a sheet, or a post-it note, what the structure is called? It still looks the same. It still feels the same. It still has the tasty French Dip sandwich, the same beer options and the horrifically overpriced ($34.75) sushi sampler. It still has the statues outside at Star Plaza: Magic Johnson, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Shaq, Jerry West, Elgin Baylor, Wayne Gretzky, Luc Robitaille, Oscar De La Hoya, Chick Hearn and Bob Miller, with Lisa Leslie soon to come. And someday soon, it still will have the same tears and sniffles, when half of southern California congregates as Kobe’s statue is unveiled, across the street from the L.A. Live space where flowers, candles and purple and gold jerseys were placed after he, his 13-year-old daughter Gianna and seven others perished in a helicopter crash. The building still will carry the same legacies, the same memories.

     If you need to call it something, follow the lead of Bryant’s widow, Vanessa, who posted a photo of her late husband with a superimposed crown on his head. “Forever known as ‘The House That Kobe Built,’ ’’ she wrote on her Instagram story.

     Otherwise, get used to the most visible commercial ode yet to a new and mysterious era of cryptocurrency — a company straight out of Singapore. Frank Vogel, who coached the Lakers to a championship last year inside a pandemic bubble in Orlando, has the right perspective. “Yeah, it’s tough, you know what I mean? Lakers fans and really sports fans in general obviously know that building as the Staples Center,” he said. “I understand the disappointment the fans will have. But that’s just the way of the world. This is the business we’re in. Almost universally around the country there’s a business element to naming rights for the arenas. It’s really out of our control.’’

     I realized it as a Chicago sports columnist, when the old Chicago Stadium was leveled and made way for a new arena across Madison Street. Couldn’t it have been called Chicago Stadium, too? Nah, sports owners Jerry Reinsdorf and Bill Wirtz weren’t sentimental enough to ignore the naming-rights bonanza that came from United Airlines, not when Michael Jordan was on the payroll and the world was enraptured. Comiskey Park eventually became U.S. Cellular Field, which worked when a crime element took over White Sox games, such as the father-son tag team that attacked a Kansas City first-base coach at “The Cell.’’ Now it’s called Guaranteed Rate Field, among the most ghastly of stadium names, especially when nothing ever is guaranteed about the franchise or game attendance. At least Wrigley Field never sold out. There are limits to the money grab, which explains why Yankee Stadium, Madison Square Garden, Fenway Park and Lambeau Field remain intact, blasphemy accusations and violent revolts best avoided.

     Crypto.com is paying $700 million over 20 years to slam its way into our cultural senses. Creative types already are making the most of the conversion, vowing to call it “The Crypt’’ — as in, the building where opponents go to die. If it seems an insane price, also consider how many times the name will be mentioned in media over the course of a year. I’d prefer that kind of investment be used in helping the homeless on Skid Row, located 1.7 miles from The Crypt. But company CEO Kris Marszalek is bullish, telling CNBC, “Cryptocurrency is really going mainstream, changing the way our entertainment and sports work, so I think it's a sign of the times and a fitting name moving forward.’’

     Problem is, impressionable young people learn to love sports through media exposure. The group includes current NBA players, such as Paul George of the Clippers, who will move into their own Inglewood arena in 2024. Until then, he’ll have trouble adjusting to change. “It’ll be weird ... You know, I grew up [with] this being Staples and Staples being, you know, the place to play and the place to be,” George said. “It’s kind of, like, just stripping the history here.”

Please. Like George, Russell Westbrook grew up in the Los Angeles area. He’s pragmatic about the change. “Staples Center has got so many great memories just for me as a kid growing up in L.A. So many great things have happened in that building,’’ he said. “Regardless of the name, the building is still the building.”

     At first, Westbrook misheard the new name. “The Crip? … What’d you say, the Crip Arena? I didn’t know what you said. My bad,’’ he said, laughing. What, a gang term? Anyone who follows hip-hop culture is aware of a dance called a crip walk, which Westbrook tried during a game in what has been a challenging first season with the Lakers.

     In 1999, when Staples Center opened in a barren part of downtown, there was an emotional outcry about leaving the Fabulous Forum, where the “Showtime’’ brand exploded amid championships, Hall of Famers and a vibe of partying and debauchery. And don’t forget those Elvis, Rolling Stones, Eagles, Springsteen and Prince shows. Twenty-two years later, people want to be wistful about Staples?

     Attention: The arena is not being shut down. The affection for the name is weird and misplaced. But that’s exactly why a dot-com exchange spends $700 million for the spiritual attachment.

     In a few weeks, if LeBron James revives the old and frayed Lakers and they beat the Nets on Christmas Day, fans will be talking about Kevin Durant as the first victim of The Crypt. Staples? It’ll be where you go for ink cartridges and a deal on AA batteries.

    Jay Mariotti, called “the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ writes general sports columns for Substack while appearing on some of the 1,678,498 podcasts and shows in production today. He is an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and talk/podcast host. Living in Los Angeles, he gravitated by osmosis to film projects.