PEPE LE PEW MIGHT BE ARRIVING FOR “THE LAST SUPPER” AND A DIRTY RIVER

Paris is trying, but the opening ceremony angered Trump and the Seine wasn’t available for the triathlon, leaving those cheating Canadians and Chinese while South Korea and South Sudan were wronged

     When Donald Trump cries foul and the River Seine is dirty, there is this: When will Pepe Le Pew arrive in Paris? The weather is broiling hot, hitting 97 degrees Fahrenheit, and we should address why “The Last Supper” was mocked by a DJ and drag artists at the opening ceremony while the River Seine reeks of pollution.

     No one said France was pure. We liked the fashion and love, though it was taken too far if intended as such by Barbara Butch. Her life has been threatened by those who think she pilloried Leonardo Da Vinci and his view of Jesus Christ and his apostles. Police are investigating online malice against her, none of which was launched by Trump, who is unhappy nonetheless.

     “I’m very open-minded, but I thought what they did was a disgrace,” he said.

     What Trump told Fox News is only fodder for those sickened by Butch, who wrote, “Whatever some may say, I exist. I’ve never been ashamed of who I am, and I take responsibility for everything — including my artistic choices. All my life, I’ve refused to be a victim: I won’t shut up. Proud of who I am, of what I am, and of what I embody, both for my loved ones and for millions of French people. My France is France!”

     My France remains public, instead of privately viewed by too many cringy millions, and it apparently is now contaminated. While many of us liked the first presentation, we can’t ignore how a famed river was shut down after it was closed to swimmers for longer than a century. Seems the usual sewage and rain deluge seeped into the city drains, leaving enough bacteria to postpone the men’s and women’s triathlon events.

     “Paris 2024 and World Triathlon reiterate that their priority is the health of the athletes,” said a statement. “The tests carried out in the Seine revealed water quality levels that did not provide sufficient guarantees to allow the event to be held.”

     We might like stuffing Butch into the grime, too, especially after artistic director Thomas Jolly said “The Last Supper” wasn’t part of his creative vision. “My wish isn’t to be subversive, nor to mock or shock,” he said. “Most of all, I wanted to send a message of love, a message of inclusion and not at all to divide.” Curious, isn’t it, how organizers finally responded to criticism after Trump spoke up?

     “Clearly there was never an intention to show disrespect to any religious group,” a Paris 2024 spokesperson said. “On the contrary, I think (with) Thomas Jolly, we really did try to celebrate community tolerance. Looking at the result of the polls that we shared, we believe that this ambition was achieved. If people have taken any offense we are, of course, really, really sorry.”

     I am really, really sorry that Canada remains in the women’s soccer event despite an admission of cheating. Drone surveillance was bad news for coach Bev Preistman, who was dismissed from the Games after devices flew over two New Zealand practices. The defending gold medalists are Spygate-dirty — did Peyton Manning mention “Spygate” on NBC? — yet they managed to beat New Zealand and France and have a game against Colombia on Wednesday. The Canadian Olympic Committee has filed an appeal about a six-point deduction in the group stage imposed by FIBA, the sport’s governing body.

     Imagine if Canada keeps winning? “We’re not cheaters. We’re damn good players. We’re a damn good team,” Vanessa Gilles said. “We have no control over anything. We're not part of any of this, and we're getting sanctioned as if we just got caught doping. We did nothing. We're just so tired of defending ourselves. We go out there, we play our hearts out, we work for this all year round, day in and day out. It's just the uncontrollables that are the biggest anger and biggest frustration.”

     If the coach cheats and the players win?

     “Woe Canada,” as the reformed anthem goes.

     The American team, among others, wasn’t surprised about the findings. No one is shocked by the crooks in France, including those in a real swimming pool not infected by sludge. The World Anti-Doping Agency actually is Pro-Doping, refusing to punish China when more swimmers tested positive in 2022 for a banned steroid. The New York Times reported Tuesday that one of the new dopes is competing in Paris.

     “I saw the report this morning,” U.S. star Katie Ledecky said. “I think I've made my thoughts clear. It's disappointing.”

     At least wrongdoing sometimes is just dumb. South Korea was introduced as North Korea — the “Democratic People’s Republic of Korea” — when the team floated on the boat in the opening ceremony. And the wrong national anthem was played for South Sudan before it beat Puerto Rico in men’s basketball.

     “They have to be better because this is the biggest stage, and you know that South Sudan is playing," said forward Majok Deng. “There’s no way you can get that wrong by playing a different anthem. It’s disrespectful.”

     Nothing is more disrespectful than allowing Snoop Dogg to roam Paris as an American symbol. He can join Barbara Butch in the Seine. Dunk wrestling works, and I like Barbara.

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     Jay Mariotti, called “without question the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ writes general sports columns for Substack while appearing on some of the 1,678,498 podcasts and shows in production today. He is an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and talk/podcast host. Living in Los Angeles, he gravitated by osmosis to film projects.