MAHOMES, HIS WIFE AND TAYLOR ARE NO. 1 … AND STROUD IS NO. 2 IN OUR QB DRAMA METER
When Allen, Jackson, Burrow and Rodgers have hiccups and/or injuries, we are forced to place Stroud just behind the quarterbacking leader, with Caleb Williams as high as No. 11 without taking one snap
We see only one, a solitary soul, unaccompanied in the badass queue of the Great American Quarterbacks. The other 31 are stragglers and wannabes. Patrick Mahomes owns three Super Bowl championships and a close friendship with Taylor Swift’s sugar daddy, and this season, he’ll be watched in a TV booth by Tom Brady, who won seven NFL championships in 45 years and knows Mahomes is just 28 with four to match him.
Otherwise, we have an animated force who can’t reach a Super Bowl in Buffalo, a two-way Baltimore beast who stumbles in the postseason, a boy wonder who can’t stay healthy in Cincinnati, a 40-year-old ayahuasca freak who wrote a book we aren’t ready to read, and a poised puppy in Los Angeles who helped teammates for two hours when an elevator was stuck but still hasn’t reached his prime.
There is C.J. Stroud, who should be better than some of the best rookie numbers amassed, and we have Caleb Williams, who somehow must be better than that. And we have Brock Purdy, who almost won a title, just as Jalen Hurts almost won a title. Both fell to Mahomes, who leads our annual Drama Meter once again. Does anyone dare to challenge him amid quarterbacking babble that borders on hysterical obsession?
Or will Swift turn on his wife?
1. Patrick Mahomes, Kansas City — Is is possible Brittany Mahomes becomes the unlikely vicious dog in our champagne circle? Days ago, she liked a post from Donald Trump with her red heart icon. Swift does not like Trump, or at least she didn’t four years ago. Brittany fired back to her critics on Instagram: “I mean honestly. To be a hater as an adult, you have to have some deep rooted issues you refuse to heal from childhood. There’s no reason your brain is fully developed and you hate to see others doing well.” Over the weekend, Swift invited Travis Kelce and the Mahomes duo to her home in Rhode Island, so they’re fine for now. But what about the others in Patrick’s perfect world? Ed Kelce, Travis’ father, was banned for life on X and said on Facebook: “Arms dealers are free to peddle their wares on X, but I'm banned for life and they won't say why, just a generic ‘Terms of Service' violation.” Swift still isn’t finished with her Eras Tour, which might last until she’s 60, but she’ll return to Arrowhead Stadium. The suite chatter might be better than the games, where the Chiefs aim to become the first team since the 1965-67 Green Bay Packers to win three straight trophies.
2. C.J. Stroud, Houston — You see Josh Allen. You see Lamar Jackson. You see Joe Burrow. You see Aaron Rodgers. All have hiccups or injury woes, but Stroud has no warts. He is moving forward to an extraordinary career after throwing for 4,108 yards and 23 touchdowns with only five interceptions. He should have dreams, after winning a playoff game, and we forget he’s a kid at 22. When he met Matthew Stafford, he said, “I wasn't trying to be a fanboy today, but I asked him a lot of questions. I tried to just learn, and he was really honest with me and wasn't mean, which I appreciate, so I am definitely a huge fan of his. Definitely one of my favorite quarterbacks of all time. I feel like sharing a field with him was dope.” When they meet, Stroud will give him a buzz with Stefon Diggs.
3. Josh Allen, Buffalo — Dan Marino is the best quarterback never to win a title. Might Allen challenge him? He is heading backwards after a 22-turnover season, with coach Sean McDermott welcoming new receivers with a bland viewpoint: “It’s kind of like when you open your drawer to silverware at home and say, ‘Tell me what this does?’ ’’ In a division with Miami and the New York Jets, it’s possible the Bills won’t make the playoffs. On the Mahomes list, he is the No. 1 victim.
4. Lamar Jackson, Baltimore — He might join Allen in the Marino sweepstakes. For all his regular-season numbers and his two MVP awards, Jackson has won only two of six playoff games. He lost to the Chiefs, shed a load of weight and looks like a man freaked by Mahomes. He would be victim No. 2.
5. Joe Burrow, Cincinnati — Once the handyman who figured out how to beat the Chiefs, have we already seen his best? Pain has rattled his first four years, with 2023 ended by torn ligaments in his right wrist. “Whenever the injuries start to stack up, your football mortality kind of comes into the back of your mind. So it's definitely something I've thought about and something I have had to fight through,” Burrow said. He has enjoyed too much success, almost winning a Super Bowl, to push him aside so soon. But this is his defining season, hopefully without torture.
6. Aaron Rodgers, New York Jets — His preseason tantrums have verged on total damnation. This will be his final season to win anything, as he turns 41 in December, and assuming his Achilles tendon remains upright, Rodgers might lift the Jets into the playoffs. If he doesn’t, he will quit, and NBC will hire him to replace Cris Collinsworth on “Sunday Night Football.” What, you thought we were getting rid him?
7. Brock Purdy, San Francisco — It’s tempting to envision a breakout season, when the 49ers could win another NFC championship. But will Purdy always be draft pick No. 262? He hasn’t played well in training camp, throwing needless interceptions. Over the weekend, he threw a red-zone pick … and decided to make a tackle that saved a touchdown. “When it happened, I was hoping he wouldn’t tackle him. Because it’s preseason, let him score,” coach Kyle Shanahan said. The front office can end a big problem by either settling a negotiation with Brandon Aiyuk or trading him.
8. Tua Tagovailoa, Miami — He can thrive after crushing Brian Flores. Or, he’ll remain a step or two away from the league’s upper crust. In a sense, Tagovailoa was ripping owner Stephen Ross when he torched Flores, his former coach, as “a terrible person.” Ross was trying to run him out. Tua said: “If you woke up every morning and I told you (that) you suck at what you did, that you don't belong doing what you do, that you shouldn't be here, that this guy should be here, that you haven't earned this right, and then you have somebody else come in and tell you, ‘Dude, you are the best fit for this, how would it make you feel listening to one or the other?’ ’’ Tua said of Flores and successor Mike McDaniel. When he finds Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle, the Dolphins are must-watch material.
9. Justin Herbert, Los Angeles Chargers — It’s also time for Herbert to stay healthy and sell some tickets in southern California, where Jim Harbaugh arrived with hype and collegiate shammery. Herbert dealt with a plantar fascia injury in training camp, which could linger all year. At least he won a title in a Dallas elevator last weekend. “Justin Herbert's a leader. He was a rock. Kept everybody calm. Everyone kept their poise,” said Harbaugh, who said his quarterback helped passengers through ceiling panels. “And it was hot. As each person came off the elevator, sweating and some had the shirt off. Justin Herbert, his hair was a little wet. But his shirt was completely dry. That was another thing that blew me away.” A 7-10 record will drop Herbert down the list and dampen his shirt.
10. Jordan Love, Green Bay — His brilliant work was performed in a half-season. Am I to believe he’ll be better in a monster division with Detroit and Chicago? He will crawl at times, but mostly, he’ll begin to earn his new $220 million extension. Has there ever been a more romantic name at the position than Jordan Love? Not even Rodgers would quibble.
11. Caleb Williams, Chicago — He loves his teammates and loves the goofs in a city that has forgotten how to win in professional sports. The pressure oozes, like steam from Kamala Harris’ speech last week, but so far, he feels only lightness and speaks of finding career immortality. “The only way to reach that is winning championships,” he said. He won’t quite match Stroud’s 2023 mastery, but his acrobatics — he throws behind-the-back passes of 20 yards in practice — will provide season-long thrills.
12. Jared Goff, Detroit — Dan Campbell deserves a portion of Goff’s $212 million deal. He was a washout until he met the new coach, who has turned him into a civic hero who earns Eminem’s shouts. Stafford won a Super Bowl in Los Angeles. Is Goff next? Or are the Lions in absurdville forever?
13. Dak Prescott, Dallas — I am sick of him in a Cowboys uniform. He needs to move on, for insane financial amounts he doesn’t deserve. Jerry Jones is an 81-year-old poker player who will make a bonehead offer to Prescott after satisfying receiver CeeDee Lamb. His team will fail, and coach Mike McCarthy will be fired. Why bother watching? “I don’t think that’s pressure,” Prescott said. “I don’t necessarily worry about the talk. I’m confident in getting something done. I’m confident in the front office here. I’m under contract right now, so all I need to do is be the best I can be for my job.” Blah.
14. Jalen Hurts, Philadelphia — His magic two years ago was interrupted by a Nick Sirianni migraine, or the general problems brought by a coach who lost his players. If the Eagles are directed well by Kellen Moore on offense and Vic Fangio on defense, expect Hurts to have a bounceback season. If not? Say goodbye to Sirianni and see if Hurts wants to coach the team himself.
15. Kirk Cousins, Atlanta — So Michael Penix is on the bench, for now, when the Falcons should be ashamed for signing Cousins. The easiest bet — call DraftKings — is when fans demand Penix, who is 24 and too old to wait four years before playing. The cries will come after the first loss, if not Cousins’ first interception. If they leave him alone, he can win the NFC South at 36. “Kirk Cousins is our franchise quarterback. He is our starting quarterback,” owner Arthur Blank said. “And he seems to be doing great ... so we couldn’t be happier with that situation. But, you know, age does kind of creep up. I can speak for myself personally on that a little bit.”
16. Trevor Lawrence, Jacksonville — Is he a star or not? The question was raised last season, when the Jaguars went 9-8. With Doug Pederson in charge and perhaps calling the plays, will Lawrence find his way? “I think we’re in a great spot. But you’ve got to continue to get better, even when camp’s over,” he said. “You’ve got to keep getting better every week, so that’s the challenge for us.” Maybe cut his hair?
17. Matthew Stafford, Los Angeles Rams — He won his Super Bowl and won’t be winning another. He wasn’t happy last year and wanted more money this year, and at some point, coach Sean McVay might want the NBC job and Stafford will retire as his wife has suggested on her podcast. He’s a Hall of Famer who deserves a fine ending.
18. Geno Smith, Seattle — He won approval when Pete Carroll chose him over Russell Wilson. Carroll is gone, off to teach a non-football class at USC, and Mike Macdonald chose not to become the league’s youngest coach — at 37 — because he’s going to win with defense. DK Metcalf is still around. “Makes some great throws. Seems decisive,” Macdonald said. Remains a gambling bargain, if you care.
19. Jayden Daniels, Washington — This is dangerous, because the Commanders don’t have the talent that accompanies Williams in Chicago. But he’s described with words such as seamless and smooth. “I have to say, I think Jayden is going to be a superstar in the league,” Collinsworth said. Maybe this is too low. Watch closely.
20. Baker Mayfield, Tampa Bay — What a shock to see him salvage his career, far away from those silly live-inside-the-stadium commercials. He has survived Cleveland and Carolina and has made it with the Buccaneers. “We need to start faster,” he said. Who ever thought he would have the chance?
21. Kyler Murray, Arizona — The fantasy players still like him. So does his coach, Jonathan Gannon, who said he “looks damn good” and is “leaps and bounds ahead of last year.” This is a nothing franchise. Murray helped create the vibe.
22. Derek Carr, New Orleans — He’s the starter, until Spencer Rattler bites him. And at some point, we’ll tire of Carr after 11 seasons the way we’ve tired of Prescott. He still loves the Las Vegas Raiders. The Raiders prefer Prescott.
23. Anthony Richardson, Indianapolis — I saw what he does last season, sort of. He must develop consistency as a passer and perform in the pocket. Was he taken too high in the 2023 draft? Only Stroud has flourished while Richardson, Bryce Young and Will Levis try to gain relevance. Year Two, as Stroud already has shown, takes too long.
24. Russell Wilson, Pittsburgh — Mike Tomlin likes Justin Fields, but he was sacked too often in the preseason while Wilson provides veteran leadership. “I’ve shown what I can do,” Fields said. “I think the time that I did have with the (first team) practicing in training camp, I think it went well. I think we grew a lot each and every day, but at the end of the day, it’s not up to me.” He’ll start soon, but it’s Wilson’s job to win or lose.
25. Deshaun Watson, Cleveland — Nine months and 27 days will pass without Watson playing. In his first two Browns seasons, since escaping from his sexual misconduct in Houston, he has played in only 12 games. “Not going to get too far ahead of ourselves,” coach Kevin Stefanski said. Owner Jimmy Haslam is still there after agreeing to an all-guaranteed, $230 million contract.
26. Sam Darnold, Minnesota — J.J. McCarthy is lost for the season with a knee injury. Darnold has played for four teams in a seven-year career. He is a backup who must start and will finish in last place in the NFC North. Skol.
27. Bryce Young, Carolina — He has made progress under new coach Dave Canales after an abysmal rookie season. “Just the focus and growth of Bryce in terms of his owning the concepts and the timing and rhythm of it,” Canales said. The front office made an all-time botch in taking Young over Stroud. Owner David Tepper is still there after agreeing to the madness.
28. Will Levis, Tennessee — Look out when he enters a hectic Soldier Field for the opener. We congratulate him for separating from the girlfriend who made his life hell. Time to find DeAndre Hopkins and Calvin Ridley without Derrick Henry in the backfield.
29. Gardner Minshew, Las Vegas — Mark Davis has a head coach, Antonio Pierce, who filed for bankruptcy. He also has no quarterback.
30. Bo Nix, Denver — Sean Payton found a weird controversy when Jarrett Stidham says Nix shouldn’t have been named a starter. “Obviously, I was very disappointed,” he said. “I know I’m a starting quarterback in this league. I have zero doubts about that, and it just didn’t shake out my way. But I know what kind of player I am, what kind of person I am. Like I said earlier, I’ll be ready to go if I need to be, and like I said, I have no doubts I’m a starting-caliber quarterback in this league.” Good. The Broncos will need him.
31. Drake Maye, New England — If the rookie has “outplayed” veteran Jacoby Brissett, then start him. Why mess with Maye’s mind? The Patriots have regressed into one of the league’s worst teams. Let the overall No. 3 pick make his mistakes and prepare for the future, whatever that is.
32. Daniel Jones, New York Giants — Maybe I’m harsh. But Tom Brady has said he will refrain from criticizing him. So let me say his $160 million contract is the biggest error in recent NFL history. “I’m happy we gave Daniel Jones that contract,” said owner John Mara, who will pay with a 4-13 record and a shot to take Shedeur Sanders in the 2025 draft, though Deion might not take his questions.
###
Jay Mariotti, called “without question the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ writes general sports columns for Substack while appearing on some of the 1,678,498 podcasts and shows in production today. He is an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and talk/podcast host. Living in Los Angeles, he gravitated by osmosis to film projects.