LIX WAS A LIE: NO HISTORY, THOUGH HURTS AND THE EAGLES ACHIEVED GREATNESS
The Super Bowl was an antithetical bomb, with Mahomes and the Chiefs crashing to pressure from Vic Fangio and handing the trophy to maulers from Philadelphia — as Hurts and Sirianni finally are hailed
Inside a loopy stadium where Donald Trump was cheered and Taylor Swift was booed, we’ll recall Super Bowl LIX for a quotation that makes sense. “You take a deuce, you don’t sit there and look at it,” Jalen Hurts said. “You flush it and move on.”
Flush it? He ended the scent of history with “an absolute dime” — Tom Brady, quote-unquote — in a 46-yard scorcher to DeVonta Smith. The score was 34-0 with minutes left in the third quarter. Fox almost lost an opportunity for a record viewership. There is no other way of nuzzling the rousing victory of the Philadelphia Eagles, who made us ask why we spent a week detailing a game that was over before it started.
They absorbed a smash two years ago from the Kansas City Chiefs and thumped back Sunday night. Imagine winning a Super Bowl for an embattled head coach — Nick Sirianni should be a god in his town — and a superb defensive coordinator named Vic Fangio, who deserves his Rocky Balboa statue. A 40-22 thrashing would not be a third consecutive championship for Patrick Mahomes, who went so far to tell Brady that another title would mean “greatness” before he was sacked six times and threw killer picks. Swarmed? If not for the Dad Bod, he would have been swept under the Superdome turf.
Well, Americans who don’t like the Chiefs can hate something else now. The winning quarterback was Hurts, who has advanced to a place where Lamar Jackson, Josh Allen and Joe Burrow haven’t reached. He won MVP honors based on precise throws, including when the Eagles were storming away, and had 72 rushing yards that shook history’s dual threats. He did so behind a massive offensive line that averaged 6-feet-6 and 338 pounds. Let the crazy storm begin for Hurts, criticized for average passing games when he was saving his best for the ninth of February.
“God is good, with the highs and the lows,” Hurts said. “I’ve been able to use every experience and learn from it. The good and the bad — and we pursue our own greatness. We do what we do. The effort, the determination everyone displayed — it’s never been about what anyone else does. I would respond to certain things. It’s all good.”
And people who think the NFL has rigged titles for the flyover midlands can stop the nonsense. Notice the early pass-interference call against Eagles receiver A.J. Brown? It was quickly forgotten when a personal foul was whistled against Trent McDuffie of the Chiefs. Gambling creates mean issues for gullible bettors. Social media turns them into viral birdbrains.
Nothing was fixed. But the Eagles turned the game into a romp when rookie Cooper DeJean, another draft pick from the treasure chest of general manager Howie Roseman, stepped in front of a Mahomes pass and returned it 38 yards for a touchdown and a 17-0 lead. At that point, the Chiefs had gained only 20 yards on offense. Mahomes continued to have an ugly evening, halting talk he’ll win eight Super Bowls by 2029 when he threw another second-quarter interception to Zach Baun. The governors of greatness saw a 24-0 score and thrust thumbs downward, as Bill Belichick giggled and Brady raced off to his first gig running the Las Vegas front office.
First, he waited for the losing quarterback outside the locker room. “Obviously, I didn’t play the way I wanted to play,” Mahomes said. “They were the better team today. They beat us pretty good, the worst I’ve been beaten in a long time. They took away the deep stuff and took away the sldeline. We weren’t on the same page. They played a heck of a game.” Fangio did.
By the time Kendrick Lamar sang “Not Like Us” at halftime, with Samuel L. Jackson in a costume, we were about to turn the channel. With security at the highest extreme, how did a man carrying a Palestinian flag appear on stage? Mistake, NFL. Our thoughts shifted to Sirianni, the loon screamer who taunts players and will stop the league rampage that he’s underrated. Enough with the negativity — Sean McVay, coach of the Los Angeles Rams, called him “the most disrespected coach in the league — and praise the man for perseverance.
“This is the ultimate team game. I can’t be here without the greatness of others,” Sirianni said. “We didn't really ever care what anyone thought about how we won … all we wanted to do was win. These guys did not want to let each other down. They said the only way this isn’t over is to have a parade and a ring ceremony. This is the best team sport there is.”
He said he would cry “happy tears” after spilling sad ones, including last year, when he almost was fired. When his son approached, Sirianni said, “E-A-G-L-E-S!” The bosses kept him last offseason and they hired Fangio, who was run out of Miami because the Dolphins said he was too nasty. Finally, after eight league stops atop defenses, he’s the champion who shut down Mahomes, Travis Kelce and Andy Reid. “Vic has been a great coordinator for decades. He was awesome today,” Sirianni said.
As for Kelce, he showed up in a Bee Gees outfit, having said, “Oh my goodness. I think I found it all. I just got to keep it all! I absolutely love where I am in life. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.” Later, he looked ready to cry. Will Taylor dump him? Insane, wasn’t it, that fans jeered the Chiefs during warmups and laughed all night? Eagles fans were dominant, but in general, our population is tired of the same story. Even Swift took a hit, hearing boos for maybe the first time and asking a seatmate, “What’s going on?”
The core mission for Fox, along with making advertising gazillions, was to embellish New Orleans as a spectacular American party site. Never mind the 2,000 law enforcement officers and high-tech security operation. The network showed up on Bourbon Street at 4 a.m. one day and asked staffers and NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to wear NOLA STRONG t-shirts, while Brady wore an LAFD tribute. Lady Gaga sang “Hold My Hand” on a piano. How nice — except the show was performed beside Ticklers Bar, not far from where a madman killed 14 people in a Jan. 1 wee-hours attack.
Brad Pitt appeared and mentioned, “The urgency of now. It’s time, America, to huddle up.” The first sitting president to attend a Super Bowl, Trump, roamed the sideline and was greeted by many more cheers than boos. He greeted first responders and visited with the Chiefs. He used to like them, remember, along with their “great, great quarterback” and the wife, Brittany, who voted for him. Trump wanted to know if players would dance for him, in his image. “I try and walk off (stage) sometimes without dancing and I can’t,” he said. “I have to dance because it’s just got something special about it.”
No one danced like Trump. The Eagles blew off his White House invitation when they won the Super Bowl in 2018. Will they again? Just before the game, after the coin toss, Fox went to an emergency situation on the field. A dog was going berserk and smashed into a goalpost. Turned out to be ad for the “Lilo & Stitch” comedy movie.
It was not funny in a country that is hurting a bit. Twice, we saw Brady and Snoop Dogg yell at each other in standing up to hatred. In happier moments, we saw Ben Affleck host Bill Belichick and his 24-year-old girlfriend in a Dunkin’ ad. And Seal as a literal seal in a Mountain Dew ad. And Caitlin Clark trying to save Nike. And David Beckham running into another David Beckham. And Meg Ryan turning orgasmic in front of Billy Crystal. Oh, and Rupert Murdoch was on screen. He runs Fox, or thinks he does.
But, hey, at least America stretched out and saw good football.
For three or four minutes.
Greatness? Hurts was great. Sirianni and Fangio were great. The Eagles were great, one of the best teams we’ve seen in 59 years of Super Bowls, in a town where Trump could laugh on the flight home and Swift might wonder about another Eras Tour.
LIX was a LIE.
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Jay Mariotti, called “without question the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ writes general sports columns for Substack while appearing on some of the 1,678,498 podcasts and shows in production today. He is an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and talk/podcast host. Living in Los Angeles, he gravitated by osmosis to film projects.