JERRY JONES MEASURES UP, FOR SURE, BUT NOT FOR ANOTHER SUPER BOWL IN YEAR 29
The Cowboys are in their usual wrecked place, with a bad run defense and Dak Prescott not playing like a $60 million-a-year quarterback, yet the owner makes jokes to Jamie Foxx while Tom Brady groans
Beyond cracking practice jokes about a player’s genital organs, Jerry Jones doesn’t make headlines. He is a hopeless octogenarian. Last week, actor Jamie Foxx attended a Dallas workout with an Instagram live stream and heard Jones making remarks.
“He looked pretty good right there,” the owner said. “He showed balance, 5-foot-9 and a half, 210 (pounds), 4.41 (40-yard dash). Nine and 3-inch hands.
“Eight and a half inch …”
Sometime soon, the agony of a three-decade inferno will end for Jones. When the most celebrated of Super Bowl champions sighs on national television, what can be said about the planet’s highest-valued sports team? The Cowboys have little hope if Tom Brady groans.
“Another penalty, oh my god,” he muttered Sunday.
“Well, if you’re frustrated, I’m guessing they’re frustrated,” broadcast partner Kevin Burkhardt said.
If this was supposed to be the first season since the mid-‘90s when Jones returned to the NFL’s championship game, we’re already anticipating the dismissal of coach Mike McCarthy. The next sacrificial lamb will be his ninth, if anyone wants the job anymore. The Cowboys are 1-2 and have been disgraced in three of their last four games, which includes a playoff pummeling by Green Bay. They cannot stop the run, allowing 607 yards in those defeats. Dak Prescott, the NFL’s top-paid player at $240 million for four seasons, was derided by another recent contract winner — receiver CeeDee Lamb, who signed for $136 million — during a 28-25 loss to Baltimore.
“I’m not going no where ima be here all day,” Lamb told the quarterback.
Which led Prescott to deliver an angry message to fans as he walked through the tunnel at AT&T Stadium. “Jump off if you want,” he said, meaning the bandwagon or a steep ledge. Later, Prescott said, “We’ve got to lock in and be more focused on our job and take accountability. Every part of what is being a professional is being prepared for every part of the job. So time away from the building to being in the building, just being a pro and understanding.”
The biggest problem is a slow offseason, thanks to Jones, who allowed running back Tony Pollard and other free agents to leave. He owns a franchise worth $10.1 billion, according to Forbes’ latest rankings, and could have pursued Derrick Henry instead of chasing him on a 151-yard rushing day. “We couldn’t afford him,” said Jones, referring to the holdouts of Prescott and Lamb when he could have made a bid.
So Jones has two feuding offensive stars and defenders who are mauled in the rush scrum. Micah Parsons, an All-Pro, was furious while end DeMarcus Lawrence said, “It’s all about (expletive) doing it.” The new coordinator is Mike Zimmer. In the first two home games, he has been sandblasted with 888 total yards and 72 points.
It doesn’t matter what Jones has to say. He stands as always in the tunnel, a worn-down football boss, and mumbles the same junk he did in recent years along with the 2010s and 2000s. “I’m very disappointed. And you can’t in any way sugarcoat the fact that we got beat,” he said. “And there were parts of the way we got beat that were really areas we’ve got to get a lot better in.”
He sees the NFC and knows a team must soar to reach the Super Bowl. The 49ers have injuries and allowed the Rams to rally Sunday. Philadelphia won’t be ready until Nick Sirianni is replaced as coach — by Jason Kelce, right? Minnesota, with Sam Darnold, is the best team to date, which means Kansas City will win again.
At 81, Jones will be stuck with a penetrable defense and the Same Old Dak, who is 2-5 in the playoffs. Of McCarthy, who is 1-3 when it most matters, the owner said in the offseason: “Most of America gets up and they don’t have it guaranteed in front of them. You ask me about not extending him, my answer is that most of America doesn’t have anything guaranteed down the road. Most folks don’t have any guarantees.” Ahead are rough games from Oct. 6 through Nov. 18 — at Pittsburgh, Detroit, at San Francisco, at Atlanta, Philadelphia, Houston.
Coach No. 9 might be his friend, Bill Belichick. Does he want any part of the mess? Even Jamie Foxx gave up. He shut off the livestream when Jones was measuring up.
And Tom Brady? For the first time in a month, he’s finally off Cowboys duty.
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Jay Mariotti, called “without question the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ writes general sports columns for Substack while appearing on some of the 1,678,498 podcasts and shows in production today. He is an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and talk/podcast host. Living in Los Angeles, he gravitated by osmosis to film projects.