IT’S A BIG WORLD OUT THERE — DON’T LET AARON RODGERS HIJACK IT

Only a fool would hang on his every word, but as long as people live their lives on social media, Rodgers will be right there with them, duping them with self-indulgent posts and mind games

     Almost 7.8 billion people inhabit Planet Earth, which has an equatorial circumference of 24,901 miles. It’s kind of a big place, worth exploring, and those of us who realize it tend to live richer lives than social-media addicts tethered to their phones, which are about 5 1/2 inches high and 2 3/4 inches wide these days.

     You want to remain confined to a box? Then you deserve to be trolled and controlled by Aaron Rodgers. Anyone who thought the NFL’s two-time defending MVP (Most Valuable Player) and all-time pandemic MVP (Most Vile Perjurer) was going to retire Tuesday — based on a typically spacey Instagram post from the previous night — should consider a lobotomy. Yet, across a country that has many more important issues to ponder, fans and media were consumed by Rodgers’ appearance on a talk show hosted by another brain-drainer, Pat McAfee.

     All of this was prompted by a series of musings hashtagged “Monday Night Gratitude,’’ filled with thank-yous to Green Bay teammates and an actress, Shailene Woodley, who may or may not still be Rodgers’ fiancee. He wanted you to believe he’s retiring from football or demanding a trade to Denver or another team. It’s his farts-and-giggles way of proving he’s cagier than the rest of us, the very definition of a God complex. Then he springs the Gotcha surprise: He claims to have been in the final stages of a 12-day cleanse called Panchakarma, inspired by ancient Indian culture, and if you’re also wondering if hallucinogenic mushrooms were involved, feel free.

     I didn’t waste much time on it. If you did, don’t you feel silly? And how much longer will you allow him to dupe you with his game? By now, after Rodgers polarized an already divided America with his radical anti-vaccine stance in midseason, intelligent humans see right through his shtick and understand he’s toying with people who don’t know better. By now, after hijacking our sporting consciousness last offseason with trade demands and diatribes against Packers management, everyone should recognize when A-Rod is hedging the truth more than the original, Alex Rodriguez.

     “There will be no news today. No decision about my future,” Rodgers told McAfee and his large audience.

     What he did provide were details about his, um, cleanse. “You've got to kind of turn everything else off, so you're not working out, you're not straining or anything. It's kind of a re-centering,’’ he said. “It not only heals you physically, but I think it takes away mental stress and then the spiritual part I think is it allows you to kind of enjoy the meditations a little more, so when I come out, my first thought is intense gratitude for the people in my life.’’

     Can I explain something politely to the uninitiated? Rodgers is playing his familiar extortion game — by design, in public. It’s his way of urging the Packers to reward his favorite playmaker, the explosive Davante Adams, with a lucrative long-term contract. He wants the front office to use a franchise tag on Adams immediately, which would stop him from entering the free-agency market, and do the deal soon. Or else. “In Green Bay, there's this one specific guy who's the best in the league at what he does, wears, I think, No. 17. You might have heard of him?’’ Rodgers said. “There's the opportunity to tag him at some point and I think both parties want to get that done, they would probably rather get a long-term extension done. I understand that's a part of a decision and I've talked about not wanting to drag this out."

     So he took to social media to push the leverage envelope, adding a cryptic photo of Adams and fellow receiver Randall Cobb standing for the national anthem in Kansas City and leaving a space for Rodgers, who missed the Nov. 7 game after contracting COVID-19. He sends messages this way, confined to his device like the millions who follow him. They all deserve each other.

     “When I got that photo from Randall and Davante, it brought tears to my eyes because that's my guys standing before the game," said Rodgers, piling the b.s. high. "Randall's always on my right, Tae's on my left and I embrace with both of them after the anthem. It's a part of the pregame ritual but also a statement about friendship and love and the connection that we have collectively and individually in our own friendships. They held space and an open spot for me in the game I missed because of my positive COVID test, and that got me, man. And that's one of my favorite photos from the year. It really is because it just shows the love and how special each of those moments are, so that's one of my all-time favorite photos and the thought that went into doing that was deeply moving to me, especially with how crazy that week was. To get that photo after the game from them, it got me.’’

     How old is Rodgers? Going on 39? Why doesn’t he act like an adult, not some teenager, and speak to management privately? He enjoys the power trip, sharing a story about members of the coaching staff waiting for him in vehicles on Pacific Coast Highway, near his Malibu home, as they tried to woo him from his self-imposed exile last summer. Does he not realize how petty and pompous he looks? Not long ago, he was one of America’s most-admired athletes, educated and sensible. It’s still breathtaking to watch the football explode from his right arm, as if the leather is coated in nitroglycerine. But he is obsessed with his own dramas, aware that a lot of people care and taking advantage of their dopiness.

     Part of the charade is Woodley, perhaps unwittingly. If she split with him, as reports indicate, who could blame her? How many celebrities, already dealing with the hassles of public life, want more headaches created by a more famous partner? “I also was telling Shai, been with you for two seasons, won two MVPs; that's not a coincidence, either. And I mean that,’’ he said. “When your home life is stable and you have an amazing partner to do life with, it just makes the work life a bonus. ... When you have a partner like that, it just makes life so much more enjoyable and tasteful and exciting. I think that living a life of gratitude is such an important way to keep that joy in your life. When you meet your person, life just changes and you can't possibly not be changed being around those special people that we meet."

     Somehow, for all his life insight, Rodgers is just now figuring out that criticism of his anti-vaxxer status — fueled by quack advice from Dr. Joe Rogan — might impact friends and family members. “I didn’t realize the kind of shrapnel they'd be taking," he said. "So many people stepped up to the plate and sent me great messages of support, and love. But I think I realized being out of this now and having conversations with some of those people, and understanding the entire gravity of the situation I was thrust into and decided to speak on multiple times had an effect on a lot of people. To those people, I say I'm sorry. I never meant to get you in the middle of it, but you got into it by proxy because of your relation to me."

     Unless one is very smart and prudent about social media, nothing good comes from prominent athletes who constantly engage in it. Ask Kevin Durant, whose public approval rating has dropped considerably. And ask Phil Mickelson, who ruled the golf world after becoming the oldest player to win a major — just last May — then decided to use his cellphone as a weapon. That fearless pulpit led him to tell author Alan Shipnuck, who is writing an unauthorized biography about Mickelson, that he might flee the PGA Tour for a Saudi-financed rival league. In the process, he foolishly described Saudis as “scary mother f—ers’’ — suggesting he is unfazed by the country’s horrific human rights record. So much for the goodwill he gained from winning the PGA Championship on Kiawah Island.

     Phil-thy, you might say. “We know they killed (Washington Post columnist Jamal) Khashoggi and have a horrible record on human rights. They execute people over there for being gay,” he told Shipnuck. “Knowing all of this, why would I even consider it? Because this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to reshape how the PGA Tour operates.”

     Next thing you know, Mickelson was on Twitter, issuing an apology after he was lambasted by Rory McIlroy and other top players as a lone wolf. “Although it doesn't look this way now given my recent comments, my actions throughout this process have always been with the best interests of golf, my peers, sponsors and fans,’’ he wrote, obviously trying to stop his many sponsors from pulling megamillions. “There is the problem of off-the-record comments being shared out of context and without my consent, but the bigger issue is that I used words that do not reflect my true feelings or intentions. It was reckless, I offended people, and I am deeply sorry for my choice of words. I'm beyond disappointed and will make every effort to self-reflect and learn from this.’’

     At 51, Mickelson is a lost cause. There’s still time for Rodgers, but he’s probably too far gone himself, I’m afraid, willing to live in that little box when the entire world is his for the taking.

     Excuse me, but I’m going for a cleanse myself. It will last until he says he’s returning to the Packers, demandinhg a trade or moving on in life. At this exhausting stage, I’m rooting for the retirement speech. My gratitude would be over the moon.

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     Jay Mariotti, called “the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ writes general sports columns for Substack while appearing on some of the 1,678,498 podcasts and shows in production today. He is an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and talk/podcast host. Living in Los Angeles, he gravitated by osmosis to film projects.