IF THEY ONLY CARE ABOUT GOLFING HANDICAPS, THEN TRUMP WINS WITH EASE

The debate sunk into oblivion when Biden and Trump argued about who has the better game, and while America needs a new Democratic candidate, our land is going nowhere when a healthier swing matters

     Let them decide on a golf course. A debate no longer works for President Biden, who is 81 and probably older, and Donald Trump, who is 78 and perhaps younger. Our country can’t handle the doddering lunacy of two men who should have been elsewhere, instead of a CNN stage in Atlanta, and while we laugh that either could work productively for a month, at least they argued over handicaps.

     Augusta National is much too proud. Try Pete’s par-three clunker down the back road, where America will begin to die as they try to clobber each other with drivers.

     “I spent half my career being criticized (as) the youngest person in politics. And now I’m the oldest,” Biden mumbled Thursday night. “This guy is three years younger, and a lot less competent.”

     Said Trump: “I’m in very good health. I just won two club championships — not even senior, two regular club championships. To do that, you have to be quite smart, and you have to be able to hit the ball a long way. And I do it. He doesn't do it. He challenged me to a golf match. He can't hit a ball 50 yards.”

     Said Biden: “He’s gonna say he is 6-5 and only 225 pounds. Look, I'd be happy to have a driving contest with him. I got my handicap, which when I was vice president, down to a six. And by the way, I told you before, I'm happy to play golf if you carry your own bag. Think you can do it?”

     Trump, who won recent titles at his club in West Palm Beach, doesn’t care if people think he’s lying. Such as sportswriter Rick Reilly, who wrote on X: “Call us if you ever win on a course you DON’T own and operate.” In his book, “Commander in Cheat,” Reilly said Trump “doesn't just cheat at golf. He cheats like a three-card monte dealer. He throws it, boots it, and moves it. He lies about his lies. He fudges and foozles and fluffs. At Winged Foot, where Trump is a member, the caddies got so used to seeing him kick his ball back onto the fairway they came up with a nickname for him: ‘Pele.’ ’’

     Trump’s response was to call Biden a fabricator, saying, “That's the biggest lie, that he's a six handicap. I’ve seen his swing. I know your swing.”

     Handicaps are not made public, unlike other presidential lies. People fudge, including those who try to rule the world and don’t understand why we’re laughing. Trump says he had a 2.5 in 2021. Biden says he had a 6.7 in 2018. Who would win?

     Trump, in West Palm Beach or anywhere else.

     Should we just settle on him, then?

     “Let’s not act like children,” Trump said.

     “You are a child,” Biden said.

     One is an octogenarian and the other a septuagenarian, though neither could spell or pronounce the words. If we give them a cart and both disappear, maybe we’ll be better off with no President.

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     Jay Mariotti, called “without question the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ writes general sports columns for Substack while appearing on some of the 1,678,498 podcasts and shows in production today. He is an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and talk/podcast host. Living in Los Angeles, he gravitated by osmosis to film projects.