HOW TO GOON UP HOCKEY IN ONE SICKENING SWOOP

Rather than market Connor McDavid and what’s great about the sport, the NHL enabled a week of violence, projecting head-hunting into its future as Gary Bettman seeks eyeballs for his new TV partners

     Gary Bettman, meet Joe Rogan. If the NHL is degenerating into a death sport, the commissioner should hire the voice of the Octagon to narrate the goonery. Here in America, home of police shootings and Capitol rioting and whatever else in God’s name awaits us, it was inevitable that hockey would turn repulsive when new broadcast deals were signed last month.

      Violence sells, you see. Pressured to justify unprecedented riches — the $4.5 billion paid by ESPN and Turner Sports over the next seven seasons — Bettman and his henchmen have rebooted a sickening reality that has defined hockey in this country for decades: Only when the No. 4 sport makes us vomit do the masses pay attention. Diehard puckheads might care about Connor McDavid, Sidney Crosby, Auston Matthews and Victor Hedman, but the time-proven way to gain traction in the upper ``”SportsCenter’’ news cycle is to enable thug behavior.

     Rather than ban the ice terrorist, Tom Wilson, for his crimes against New York Rangers humanity, Bettman and his farcically named Department of Player Safety — all caps, I swear — basically pardoned his Monday night acts with a $5,000 fine and no suspension. In letting him off lightly, even after he sucker-punched Pavel Buchnevich and body-slammed Artemi Panerin like a ragdoll, the league set up a Wednesday blood rematch between the Rangers and Wilson’s Washington Capitals that all but endorsed rival gang warfare — and drew eyeballs across North America. Because Bettman and his so-called safety chief, former NHL brawler George Parros, refused to penalize Wilson severely, the Rangers felt compelled to punish him and his teammates with their fists.

     If the NHL wished to incite a riot in Madison Square Garden, it succeeded wretchedly. The opening minutes featured six fights, including three at once immediately after the opening face-off and another 49 seconds later, when Rangers defenseman Chris Smith confronted Wilson. The teams combined for 72 penalty minutes before five game minutes had elapsed, and, predictably, Wilson accumulated 15 penalty minutes before leaving in the second period with an upper-body injury. This was some seriously demented retribution, all obeying a locker-room code that should have been retired in the last century but still exists because, you know, it promotes testosterone rage and spikes ratings. The explanations afterward were as warped as the scripted brawling.

     “``I definitely think we felt the need to take matters into our own hands a bit," Rangers center Ryan Strome said. “``I thought it was a great response. And hats off to them for answering the bell. They knew our frustration. We solved it and played the rest of the game."

     Said Smith, who proudly took on Wilson: “``You guys watched what happened the game before. I thought that it should have been handled before this game, and it wasn't, so unfortunately it had to be on my shoulders, and I took it."

     Close your eyes. Imagine Roman Gladiators in violent confrontations in the Colosseum, or modern lunatics being gorged by the bulls in Pamplona. Is this what the NHL has come to: another deep dive into the gutter? 

     Always considered inept and backward-thinking, Bettman now looks foolish and desperate. He only exacerbated matters Thursday when he pounded the Rangers with a $250,000 fine — $245,000 more than Wilson was punished for head-hunting — for daring to criticize the league and Parros in a wide-ranging statement. Suddenly, the NHL feels like a Communist dictatorship, caring much more about its bruised feelings than the safety of its players.

     ``”Public comments of the nature issued by the Rangers that were personal in nature and demeaning of a League executive will not be tolerated," Bettman said in a statement. “``While we don't expect our Clubs to agree with every decision rendered by the Department of Player Safety, the extent to which the Rangers expressed their disagreement was unacceptable. It is terribly unfair to question George Parros' professionalism and dedication to his role and the Department of Player Safety."

     Again, all in capital letters.

     What is the purpose of fighting-as-entertainment when players are injured, including one of the sport’s better offensive weapons — and statesmen — in Panarin? The league’s lack of action spun the Rangers into utter disarray, fueled by none other than owner James Dolan, who meddles in hockey now that the Knicks miraculously have been repaired by Leon Rose and Tom Thibodeau. In a statement reportedly ordered by Dolan, the Rangers called for the ouster of Parros and said they were disturbed Wilson wasn’t suspended. After all, isn’t he the maniac who has been suspended five times, including a 14-game ban in 2018 after he checked St. Louis’ Oskar Sundqvist in the skull? Just a few weeks ago, Wilson was suspended seven games for a dirty hit that left Boston’s Brando Carlo with a concussion.

     This guy doesn’t just hunt heads. He collects them and eats them for dinner. Yet, Wilson will be eligible to wreak more havoc — and injure more opponents — in the playoffs. Said the Dolan-inspired statement: `”`The New York Rangers are extremely disappointed Capitals forward Tom Wilson was not suspended for his horrifying act of violence at Madison Square Garden. Wilson is a repeat offender with a long history of these type of acts and we find it shocking that the NHL and their Department of Player Safety failed to take the appropriate action and suspend him indefinitely. Wilson's dangerous and reckless actions caused an injury to Artemi Panarin that will prevent him from playing again this season. … We view this as a dereliction of duty by NHL Head of Player Safety, George Parros, and believe he is unfit to continue in his current role.’’

     Naturally, the Capitals thought the episode was a lot of nothing. “``Blown out of proportion,’’ center Lars Eller said. ``”I don’t think people see things clearly when it comes to Tom with things that he’s involved in. There’s already a biased opinion of him.”

     Can’t imagine why.

     Then Dolan turned on his own front office, firing team president John Davidson and general manager Jeff Gorton and replacing both with Chris Drury. The Rangers aren’t going to the playoffs and didn’t show much mettle in their fourth straight loss. Yet, somehow, lame-duck coach David Quinn was proud of his guys for standing up to the bully. ``To me, when something like that happens, it certainly speaks volumes about how these guys want to play for each other and stick up for each other in difficult circumstances," he said. ``We all saw what happened the other night. Nobody is happy about it. I couldn't be prouder of these guys."

     The in-arena hockey experience is the most thrilling in sports, I believe. But Bettman and various networks haven’t figured out how to transfer that fury and emotion to the broadcasts. Thus, the NHL is a fighting league again. In a year when McDavid, the Edmonton phenom, might reach 100 points in a COVID-19-shortened, 56-game season, Tom Wilson is the larger conversation piece. His criminal activity was exacerbated by the Capitals’ social media site, which went low-brow in a since-deleted tweet — `”atCapitals chooses: Violence’’ — beside a photo of Wilson and a cryptic comment that he lives `’`’rent-free’’ in the minds of others as ``the best goal scorer in the league.’’

     I would like to like hockey. The culture won’t let me. The Capitals won the rematch thanks to T.J. Oshie, who scored twice while grieving the death of his father only a day earlier. He was hugged after the victory by teammate Nicklas Backstrom, who said, ``”I saw he got emotional there at the end, which was understandable. I felt like he needed a hug. I told him, ‘`You are the strongest person I know.’ First of all, it’s impressive that he actually played today, I think, and how he led the way. … We are a family. We are in this together. His loss is everyone’s loss.”

     The Oshie story should have been the takeaway.

     The punches knocked out that fond memory, too.

     Jay Mariotti, called ``”the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ is the host of ``Unmuted,’’ a frequent podcast about sports and life (Apple, Spotify, etc.). He’s an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and radio host. As a Los Angeles resident, he gravitated by osmosis to movie projects. Compensation for this column is donated to the Chicago Sun-Times Charity Trust.