DON’T TELL THE MANNINGS, BUT ARCH SUDDENLY IS BIGGER THAN PEYTON AND ELI

The inevitable process of Archmania begins at Texas, where he not only sprints much better than family members but already has accounted for seven touchdowns with America’s No. 1 college football team

     In a full-speed race between Peyton Manning and NFL tackling dummies, Peyton would have lost. Eli Manning was so hapless in a downhill ski race against Lindsey Vonn, he’s best remembered for sucking on a frozen pipe with a piece of bubble gum. So would someone like to explain why their nephew looked like Usain Bolt?

     His name is Arch. He faked a handoff, ran right through an open hole, passed two tacklers, veered left past another, revved his legs near the Texas midfield logo, flew past four other defenders and scored on a 67-yard romp. I will not suggest he was kidnapped. I will not wonder if the birth doctor put him in the wrong bin.

     But welcome to the beginning of Archmania, the inevitable process where the son of Cooper and Ellen Manning is Next. This continues to be America’s preeminent football family, and we’ve waited a while since Peyton and Eli retired and became Monday night TV hucksters. At some point, Arch Manning eventually would receive a chance to quarterback his collegiate team. Saturday, after starter Quinn Ewers strained his abdominal muscles, coach Steve Sarkisian summoned the most famous backup ever.

     Suddenly, Manning ranks seventh among Heisman Trophy favorites. He threw for four touchdowns, along with his scoring dash, and has accounted for seven TDs this season. Ewers will return to the lineup at some juncture as the Longhorns, ranked No. 1 by the Associated Press, prepare for back-to-back games next month against Oklahoma and stumbling No. 2 Georgia. But the NFL scouts are preparing travel journeys to Austin for the next two drafts: Ewers in 2025, Arch in 2026. Guess who will start Saturday against UL Monroe, looking at multiple scores?

     And if Peyton and Eli want to improve their ratings, which dropped to an all-time low of 872,000 last week? They might want to interview Arch on the program. He is bigger than they are, not that he would understand the sensation. When Ewers left the UTSA game in the second quarter, Sarkisian called a play. “Yeah, that’s perfect. Great,” Manning said. He threw a 19-yard scoring pass on the first play, then posed as an Olympic sprinter on the next possession.

     “When the adrenaline kicks in,” Arch said, “it helps you run a bit faster.” 

     “That’s just kind of who Arch is,” Sarkisian said. “He’s just a normal guy that plays quarterback at the University of Texas. The name on the back of his jersey is one thing, but who he is as a teammate is another. He just wants to play really good for all the guys around him.”

     No ego. No Manning-itis. No junk about Peyton as a Hall of Famer, Eli being eligible next year and Archie Manning being the proudest of fathers and grandfathers. “We practice the toughest stuff we have, because we never know when one of those guys has to go in. We expose him to so much that I don’t feel like I’m handcuffed when Arch is in the game,” Sarkisian said. “He’s been running these plays all week long. We’ve identified some of the things that we think he does well and that he said he does well, and we just went and played offensive football. I didn’t think, ‘Well, Arch is in there, let’s take it easy.’ ”

     In the anything-goes transfer portal era, Manning could have left as a freshman and started anywhere in the country this season. He stuck around Texas because he and his family trust Sarkisian, who tumbled down a rough road of alcoholism before taking over what could be America’s premier program. This has become the raging story of the college football season. Kirby who? Kalen what? Deion why? Ryan where?

     “I’ve just learned so much from Quinn,” Manning said. “He’s been the man to me, and I hope he’s OK. Obviously, there’s a lot to inprove on and grow from, but I’m glad to get in there and get hit again and feel what it’s like. It helps when you have great players around you and good coaches. Isaiah Bond, Ryan Wingo, the O-line, they all played really well. They make it a little bit easier for me.”

     Sounds like Peyton. Sounds like Eli.

     “There’s nothing like being in the game. Playing in front of 105,000 people is not the easiest thing to do. I’m very proud of Arch,” Sarkisian said. “We've got to do everything on our part to get Quinn as healthy as we can as quickly as possible.”

     Ewers will play. But so will Manning.

     If Peyton and Eli challenge Arch to a sprint, I’d watch.

     And laugh.

     ###

     Jay Mariotti, called “without question the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ writes general sports columns for Substack while appearing on some of the 1,678,498 podcasts and shows in production today. He is an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and talk/podcast host. Living in Los Angeles, he gravitated by osmosis to film projects.