BEN JOHNSON IS URGED TO IGNORE THE BEARS, WHO DON’T DESERVE A REAL COACH

Halas Hall doesn’t pay money and has a bad recent history, so why would Johnson — or Vrabel or Rivera or Kingsbury — want any part of a debacle that burned Belichick and will keep suffering miserably

Why would Ben Johnson have any dog-assed interest in joining the Bears? On a wintry Sunday of boos and taunts from fans tired of football futility, he watched Caleb Williams botch a handoff and hand the Lions an early holiday touchdown, followed by Rome Odunze repeating the same crime. Who wants hellfire in his life?

If Johnson looked into the sky, Kevin Warren was incensed and Ryan Poles was hiding. And the chairman? George McCaskey is worse than the Jets’ Woody Johnson, who didn’t think Jerry Jeudy’s player rating was good enough on “Madden NFL,” because McCaskey never has heard of “Madden NFL.” They marveled at Johnson’s offense in Detroit, which mauled the defense with 474 yards and 27 first downs in 31 minutes of a 34-17 romp. All Williams did was respond with two touchdown passes and garbage yardage, when the score didn’t matter, against a team with multiple injuries.

Why would Johnson, who might have Dallas and Jacksonville in his sights if he doesn’t remain with Dan Campbell as an offensive coordinator, attach his soul to this decades-long debacle? The general manager remains Poles, who hasn’t accomplished much and ultimately will be fired by Warren. Why would Johnson stay in the NFC North when the other three franchises doom him to lose? I was joined this weekend by a relative of Matt Eberflus — who loves the Lions — and says he knows Johnson well enough that he won’t be replacing his cousin in Chicago.

“Money?” he mentioned.

McCaskey pays pennies when Jerry Jones pays megadollars. Doesn’t the NFL Network’s Tom Pelissero realize that when he claims Johnson is keeping his eyes open everywhere?

So the media tripe about Johnson will become the season’s 14th loss after a 4-13 finish. How many possible coaches will say no? Dan Pompei popped the name of Ron Rivera in The Athletic, but his health and common sense say otherwise for such a torturous job. Mike Vrabel reminds me of Mike Ditka, but he would have no power when Warren runs bullish through Halas Hall. Anyone else? Kliff Kingsbury is the choice of Semi-Eberflus, but he was rejected in the offseason by the Real Eberflus. If he found time to survey Williams — why would he, with Jayden Daniels producing more magic in Washington? — he might find a quarterback with too many mental nicks to help anytime soon. Joe Brady is helping Josh Allen in Buffalo, but we prefer Tom Brady, who is busy. The next group? A likely first name is Matt, John or Marc when Matt LaFleur is taken.

What else would Thomas Brown do but punt from the Detroit 42 — was Indiana’s Curt Cignetti in the house? — on 4th-and-25 with 8:20 left in the fourth quarter? Williams had been sacked for only the first time. Consider it a victory with an offensive line in chaos. The Bears will suck as long as they are owned by the McCaskeys. Bill Belichick knows that, and Johnson knows that — which didn’t stop him from asking Jared Goff to execute a fake fumble play for a touchdown. Add it to a long list of Bears infamy.

The other day, at a media gathering attended by Chicago reporters, Johnson was focused on the Lions. Why not? One team is 13-2 and searching for a first-round postseason bye. The other team is 4-11 with a nine-game losing streak, including Jameson Williams burning Jonathan Owens for a long touchdown as Simone Biles moped.

“Last couple of years, getting thrown in the coordinator role, things get on you fast and you don’t really have time to think about the future a whole lot,” Johnson said. “Now that I’ve been through the ringer a couple of times, had some interviews, I certainly do feel more prepared just from a big-picture standpoint. But right now, we’ve got three games left in the regular season, going into the postseason, and honestly this is why I’m here.

“This is why I wanted to be here. I have an obligation to the people in the building to be right where my feet are and when I walk in and I see the coaches staying long nights and working as hard as they’re doing, and I come in and I see the guys, the players, in the meeting room and on the practice field, attacking each day like they are, it’s hard for my mind to wander much.”

Not that Warren will listen to a logical word — and not that McCaskey will be bothered at the United Center, where he watches the Blackhawks post another nasty NHL record. But they would be wise to grow accustomed to negative responses in coming weeks.

Johnson will say no.

Vrabel will say no.

Rivera will say no.

Santa Claus, too, will say no.

###

Jay Mariotti, called “without question the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ writes general sports columns for Substack while appearing on some of the 1,678,498 podcasts and shows in production today. He is an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and talk/podcast host. Living in Los Angeles, he gravitated by osmosis to film projects.