AS “AROUND THE HORN” CRASHES — IF I HAD HOSTED, THE SHOW WOULD HAVE THRIVED

I was offered a chance to try out, choosing to remain a panelist, and if the people I worked for were trustworthy — Snoop Dogg would curse — my choices for roles would have enlivened a boring program

The call was serious. Would I like to try out for a hosting gig on “Around The Horn?” I was a columnist, traveling the world, covering sports events. I enjoyed a regular spot on the panel, almost every day, and could not envision pushing buttons that muted people and demerited opinions. In the end, anyone who took the job would not be a journalist, a newsman, or anything but a Gong Show basher and a social-media barfly.

Should I have tried? I would have received the position long before Tony Reali, who let the show bounce into significant ESPN ratings drops for years. Recently, I said Reali and two producers were overly woke in choosing panelists after I left — remember, I was the one who wondered why we had five white faces on the air and didn’t promote diversity? When I say woke, couldn’t they have chosen the BEST FOUR panelists and not played social games with race and sexuality? I thought the best four were Kevin Blackistone, who is Black, and Jackie MacMullan, who is female, and Woody Paige, who is funny, and me, someone who is so serious that Snoop Dogg once asked, “Who do you think you is?”

Imagine if I’d allowed contestants to fire on each other in a who-do-I-think-I-is blur? In sports parlance, “Around The Horn” refers to a triple or a double play. Keep the action hot, the baseball smacking gloves, beating baserunners? Why did the program turn into so many boring stares, with no conflict, material frittering into a gutter, ratings falling into obscurity? Anyone who knows me realizes we’d have been bigger than Stephen A. Smith, without his factual errors and dependence on accused rapist Shannon Sharpe?

Well, I said no to producer Jim Cohen and carried on for the show’s greatest eight years. The program finally leaves the air next week — I asked 30 people in Santa Monica if they’d watch, and not a soul said yes, though one asked if Shohei Ohtani would appear. But this is what I’d have done with a mishmash of people who showed up to comment from all walks of life. Remember, executive producer Erik Rydholm told an interviewer I got along “great’’ with the everyday staff.

Great, idiots.

First, I’d have told the ESPN president with cocaine in his nostril that I would handle the program. “ATH” did not need 35 or 40 analysts — I lost track of how many — when we used nine or 10 people and booted the supreme likes of Dan Shaughnessy, Charlie Pierce and T.J. Simers. Our commentary oozed of continuity because we knew each other, from long phone talks every morning. If the upper-ups wanted to promote newcomers coming through the ranks, I needed to make sure Mina Kimes worked well.

Turns out Kimes was terrific. She knew more about the NFL than Paige knew about chalkboards. Bomani Jones? I’d have loved to box with him. Kevin Clark was smart, and it helped that his wife won a recent “Pulitzer Prize.” Courtney Cronin was from Chicago, and I promoted her for a column at the Sun-Times because she drops bombs. Emily Kaplan brought reporting skills and chops. Ramona Shelburne is a columnist at heart. Frank Isola is a great basketball reporter with a New York attitude. J.A. Adande became a professor at Northwestern and recharged himself on TV. Michael Smith was at his best when he wasn’t anchoring “SportsCenter.”

That’s 12, more than enough. I’d want grand arguments, not liberal b.s. Remember, politics killed the show. I don’t know how many of them are Black or white or women. They were the best human beings to keep ratings buzzing.

Jemele Hill. All of us had life problems — I dealt with close-family cancer when the show was starting and my heart stent in Year Seven. No one wanted to hear about her problems on Twitter. She wouldn’t stop. Then ESPN fired her. I would have fired her, too. She became an ass pain after she admitted publicly to liking blow jobs. Let her rip me on social media, though she won’t have her facts right.

Paige remained funny until, as the late Mike Downey once said, the BoSox turned into Botox. Bob Ryan tried, but younger viewers didn’t relate to his 1980s hoops wisdom. Bill Plaschke won column awards but bombed recently, failing to write Ohtani had to know about the gambling of Ippei Mizuhara — who averaged 25 bets a day for 25 months — as the interpreter was stealing $17 million from the global star. Tim Cowlishaw wore the same clothes. Dickies, I think.

They seemed older than Regis Philbin. Who would be in the infirmary, first?

And Pablo Torre? If he’s trying to break stories, he just broke himself. He reported Bill Belichick’s girlfriend, 24-year-old Jordon Hudson, has been banned by the University of North Carolina. Not true, Pablo. You’re off the show, failing to realize what ESPN’s Pete Thamel found out Friday — UNC has hired another public-relations person for Chapel Bill.

“While Jordon Hudson is not an employee at the University or Carolina Athletics, she is welcome to the Carolina Football facilities,” the school said in a statement. “Jordon will continue to manage all activities related to Coach Belichick's personal brand outside of his responsibilities for Carolina Football and the University.” Then Belichick showed up to support her at the Miss Maine USA pageant and agreed to do an ABC interview this week with Michael Strahan.

“I hope anyone watching finds the strength to push through whatever they’re going through … hate never wins,” said Hudson, gaining strength from Belichick and pushing back at Pablo The Liar.

Sarah Spain came off as a Chicago fangirl and disappeared. Kate Fagan showed up last week and said “trans kids deserve to play sports.” I don’t agree, and I’d love to argue, but I suspect executives Jimmy Pitaro and Burke Magnus would say no.

Pitaro already has Stephen A. He doesn’t want another Stephen A., though I am not Stephen A. They’ve turned Chris Russo into a white stooge. Any white guys at the network are Mike Greenberg geeks or mock-ups like Brian Windhorst.

So, there you have it. “Around The Horn” finally is gone after it fell apart early in the last decade. Reali has no job, calling himself a “free agent.” When Cohen asked me to join the program — long before he was bounced — I should have asked about the show’s bosses and the truths behind them. They never were honest when I needed to discuss a personal matter that went away, when a plaintiff got zero money when she wanted a lot. The show gradually faded out from there. Check the ratings, if you must. I continue to live a heavenly life in California and still write freely about places such as ESPN.

I won. They lost. It was a stupid fucking show, wasn’t it?

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Jay Mariotti, called “without question the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ writes general sports columns for Substack while appearing on some of the 1,678,498 podcasts and shows in production today. He is an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and talk/podcast host. Living in Los Angeles, he gravitated by osmosis to film projects.