A PERFECT BEACH, AT THE EIFFEL TOWER, REMINDS OWNERS TO POUND SAND

A volleyball court was such an Olympics masterpiece, with help from one of the world’s glittering landmarks, that we should tell billionaires to refocus lives instead of demanding public stadium money

     PARIS — The sands of time, you might call my seating arrangement. In Row 6 at a paradise beside the golden Eiffel Tower, I am watching Olympics beach volleyball and asking about the new stadiums of sports egomaniacs. The night lights are turned off after a match, and all I see is a lit paragon, captured by 12,860 cellphones pointed at some sort of structural orgy.

     Say, why not bag these maddening $6 billion monsters that do exactly what for our cities? Can’t they build exquisite places on pieces of land that create lifetime charms, instead of bulging worth among monstrous owners? My fantasy won’t happen, because those men and women are dealing in tens of billions of dollars. But I do know what I’m watching — two women wearing shorts and two other women wearing almost nothing — is a much better time than almost anything I’ve seen in America.

     Even if someone puts an arena in the Grand Canyon or by the Taj Mahal or next to Machu Picchu, we’ll never experience the rocking magnificence of a makeshift stage in a park called the Champ de Mars. Every jump serve, block and dink feels bigger than Shohei Ohtani and Taylor Swift. Beijing had a chance with the Great Wall, Sydney with the Opera House, Rome with the Colosseum and Athens with the Acropolis. Rio de Janeiro at least tried with Copacabana.

     Someone in France, of course, thought more extravagantly about a landmark. Why not let players sift through loose substances in the shadows of a wrought-iron lattice tower that rises 1,083 feet? They played DJ music throughout the night, even in critical third-set moments, and fun might have been more important than a competitive edge. In the gold-medal game, players from Canada and Brazil shouted at each other when the music dude decided to play “Imagine,” courtesy of John Lennon. Suddenly, there was nothing but laughter on the court, with fans applauding. How can anyone get mad when the Eiffel is looming over the scene?

     “We’re pretty amped up, partners are coming in, refs are coming in. So it was a bit of a mess,” Canada’s Brandie Wilkerson told reporters after losing a gold medal. “But after the game and even right when they came to shake our hands, still on the court, there was an immediate hug.”

     Tickets were precious commodities, with celebrities crashing an unprecedented party. Among them: Tom Brady, Serena Williams, Novak Djokovic, Pharrell Williams, Queen Mary of Denmark and various politicians, all shaking bodies when the stands trembled after certain points. LeBron James was drinking red wine and saluting U.S. players, forcing his daughter to scream when he did a bad-dad dance. Snoop Dogg also showed up and said, “This is an exceptional venue. Paris really went overboard. This is a spectacle. As far as having these events at monumental places, bringing people from all over the world, this is beautiful. Beach volleyball in front of the Eiffel Tower, who would have thought.”

     Probably crazier than Snoop serving as NBC’s cultural ambassador, with future Olympics apparently coming from his bosses. Think he was alone about the hotspot? How about a debate between Donald Trump and Kamala Harris?

     “The greatest stadium on earth,” the Wall Street Journal said. “Sitting there is a blast, it’s beautiful, and those lucky enough to attend won’t forget it.”

     “The perfect setting for the digital age,” said the Associated Press, noting fans were “waving baguettes, dancing the can-can and singing along.”

     “A towering achievement,” the Washington Post said.

     The writers weren’t playing volleyball games, either. Imagine what those in briefs and mini-briefs said.

     “That is what dreams are made of, sitting there seeing the Eiffel Tower twinkle, seeing all the flashlights around us going off,” American Kristen Nuss said. “That's a memory that will definitely be imprinted on my brain forever.”

     “The best feeling in the world,” teammate Sara Hughes said.

     “People at home would not believe we are playing beach volleyball under the Eiffel Tower,” Morocco's Zouheir Elgraoui said.

     “Warming up on the side court, we were like, ‘Wow, we are under the Eiffel Tower,’ ’’ Qatar’s Cherif Younousse said. “We can’t even imagine playing beach volleyball here.”

     “It’s impossible to forget she’s there because when we are having our breaks during the game, my eyes immediately focus on her,” Brazil’s Arthur Diego Mariano Lanci said. “I look at her, it’s a beautiful scene. I feel privileged to play in such an iconic venue.”

     The stadium will be dismantled in a few hours, on Place Joffre. Why? Can’t it remain forever like the Louvre and the Arc de Triomphe? “The Champ de Mars will continue to be a magnificent setting for living, gathering and meeting, just as it was before the Games,” Paris 2024 said. It’s hard to believe anyone will relax, hug a lover and share a picnic after what we just watched.

     Paris has brought back the slumbering Olympics with a splendid show. And yet, that will be a secondary memory. No one ever will forget the most romantic and picturesque of Summer Games, starting with the beach.

     “That is some deep, deep sand,” Nuss said. “It is definitely, I would say, pristine.”

     In fact, next time a sports owner wants loads of public money for a stadium, tell him to pound sand. For Los Angeles to beat it in 2028, the city might have to play volleyball on Rodeo Drive or position a court above the Hollywood sign. Or beside O.J. Simpson’s house on Rockingham. Forget it.

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     Jay Mariotti, called “without question the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ writes general sports columns for Substack while appearing on some of the 1,678,498 podcasts and shows in production today. He is an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and talk/podcast host. Living in Los Angeles, he gravitated by osmosis to film projects.