A NATIONAL TITLE FOR HARBAUGH SHOULD BE ACCOMPANIED BY A GUILLOTINE

The coach who can’t avoid trouble threatens a bitter aftertaste with his Michigan football glory, as the NCAA’s investigation of sign stealing adds ugliness to his endless accusations of wrongdoing

     If it’s Thursday, Jim Harbaugh is a con man. By tomorrow, he’ll be a racketeer and a bunco artist. By Saturday, when Michigan infiltrates Michigan State to see if stadium tunnels can lead to 10-year prison sentences, he’ll be the biggest cheater in the long, corrupt roll-call of college football.

     A week doesn’t pass when Harbaugh isn’t charged with something a little less than first-degree murder. The NCAA, or what’s left of it, says he might be sending personnel on road trips to steal signs in an elaborate scam of future opponents. That is against Bylaw 11.6.1, which prohibits “off-campus, in-person scouting of future opponents” via electronic communications. Would Harbaugh, a man who interviews for NFL coaching jobs without telling anyone and suffered the Ohio State plague for five years, participate in his sport’s version of using a camera system and banging on a trash can?

     This is the man, of course, who accepted a self-imposed suspension of three games this season after the NCAA’s four-game ban collapsed. Did he recruit during the COVID-19 dead period in 2020, use too many coaches in practice, watch player workouts on Zoom and fail to cooperate with the organization’s investigators? Those are Level II violations that fall in line with Harbaugh’s other allegations. In his sphere, anything is worth perverting, which is especially wicked when players are paid amply for names, images and likenesses and can use a convenient portal to transfer. We’re in an era when rules can be broken, and yet, he’s still a swindler.

     “The Big Ten Conference considers the integrity of competition to be of utmost importance and will continue to monitor the investigation,” said the league, which says the NCAA has “credible evidence” of Michigan’s wrongdoing.

     Said athletic director Warde Manuel: “I want to personally assure you that U-M Athletics will offer its complete cooperation to the NCAA in this matter. At the University of Michigan, all of us are committed to the highest standards of ethics and integrity for all members of our community. This is the same expectation I have of all coaches, staff, and student-athletes.”

     Is it possible, then, that we’ll have a national champion of lawlessness? If Michigan isn’t viewed as No. 1 heading into November, it seems another win over Ohio State and a Georgia defeat will place the Wolverines into the favorites’ role. Then why the hell not? America can celebrate collegiate winners in football AND basketball when we’re supposed to be teaching thoughtful lessons on campuses. Remember when the FBI accused Kansas, which won the title game in 2022, of using Adidas to gain illegal recruiting advantages? Now an NCAA probe refused to mandate more penalties, which prompted coach Bill Self to break free of villainy and tell ESPN, “I think my reputation has been tarnished immensely. But the whole thing is we knew right from the jump what we had done and what we had not done. The bottom line is, I'm proud of how we conducted our business.”

     The bottom line is, Kansas duped the kingdom and still won a championship in that period. Will Harbaugh make the same claim? At some point, he’ll realize the college game has too many crucifiers who want his neck. They may be dirty, too, but there’s something about his look and gaze — arrogance, glasses, Michigan hat and shirt, a Bo Schembechler way of life some 50 years later — that suggests he’ll try anything to win the school’s first title since 1997. Said Harbaugh, later in the day: “I do not have any knowledge or information regarding the University of Michigan football program illegally stealing signals, nor have I directed any staff member or others to participate in an off-campus scouting assignment.”

     Oddly — though maybe not — Manuel is on board with school president Santa Ono and regents with an extension making Harbaugh the Big Ten’s highest-paid coach. He is supposed to sign in the next few weeks, allowing him to pass Ohio State coach Ryan Day, who makes $10.2 million this year. Said Harbaugh: “Yeah I mean, like anybody, you want to be somewhere where you’re wanted. And when they like what you do and how you do it, they tell you that. Your bosses tell you that, and then that gets reflected in a contract. But bottom line, any of us, right, that’s where we want to be. Somewhere where they like how you do it and what you do.”

     But how can they like what he does if he ends up on probation? At some point soon, Harbaugh will realize the NFL is for him. Maybe his status is high as he nears a championship? It makes sense the Los Angeles Chargers would call if coach Brandon Staley, who has become cartoonish in his annual escapades, fails to reach the postseason. Let Harbaugh handle quarterback Justin Herbert, whose performances are up and down after he signed a $262.5 million deal.

     For now, we’ll see if Michigan State’s players engage in more stadium tunnel consequences after the 2022 fiasco in Ann Arbor. “We are chagrined by the news of the NCAA investigation and we echo the Big Ten Conference's commitment to integrity,” Michigan State University interim president Teresa Woodruff said. “The allegations are concerning, but will be handled through the NCAA's processes.”

     If Harbaugh rambles through and wins a championship, the College Football Playoff will throw a celebration on Jan. 8 in downtown Houston. I also would suggest a guillotine.

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     Jay Mariotti, called “without question the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ writes general sports columns for Substack while appearing on some of the 1,678,498 podcasts and shows in production today. He is an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and talk/podcast host. Living in Los Angeles, he gravitated by osmosis to film projects.