$8 BILLION FOR THIS? JONES, COWBOYS NO LONGER WORTH AMERICA'S TIME

He has maximized the franchise brand and remains an NFL power player, but Jones still can’t shake the truth that he’s an inept football man, offsetting his ownership of the world’s richest sports team

     From an absurdist succession of missed extra points to the farcical last gasp Sunday evening — Ezekiel Elliott snapped the ball and immediately was pulverized — this was more evidence that Jerry Jones should sail away on his $250 million superyacht and never return. He’ll be 81 in October. The Dallas Cowboys haven’t won a Super Bowl in 27 seasons. Every humiliating pratfall on and off the field, as usual, has his grubby hands on it.

     He can leak stories to media cronies that Sean Payton eventually will replace Mike McCarthy as coach. He can continue to profess faith in Dak Prescott, despite more interceptions and a final two series that made his $160 million contract look fraudulent — especially when juxtaposed against that of Disney-movie rookie Brock Purdy, whose base salary is $705,000 as he directs the San Francisco 49ers to the NFC championship game. He can flit around Arizona next month as Jerry Jones, industry power beast and front man.

     I speak for many in suggesting he just vanish as the team’s owner and general manager and, once and for all, put himself out of his misery.

     It no longer fazes me when the NFL valuations are released, our annual reminder that no sports franchise on Planet Earth is worth more than the Cowboys. That’s because no team is more worthless in every other regard. Jones always will be known as the self-made tycoon who grew his team into a marketing behemoth and super-maxed the value of a colossal stadium in north Texas, including the costumed women dancing on the sideline.

     Otherwise, the Cowboys continue to command attention for all the wrong reasons — tragicomedy in big games, front-office mismanagement, wretched misfortune and creepy-old-man scandals. They somehow remain appealing to TV networks, advertisers and sponsors who don’t care about zero Super Bowl appearances this century. Bomber jackets, MTV and Bill Clinton were big in the 1990s, too, but at some point, popular culture mercifully moved on.

     The concept that Dallas remains “America’s Team” still exists, weirdly, a misnomer that feeds a fan base just as oblivious. Thus, the franchise value spikes anew — to an astounding $8 billion, or $1.6 million more than the second-most valuable team (New England Patriots) and $3 billion more than the most valuable European soccer club (Real Madrid). With influence that extends to shrewd investments in the energy racket, Jones has been the essential figure in a four-decade NFL boom that, most recently, generated media deals worth $120 billion despite years of raging league controversies. He has been integral in discussions with the TV networks, reminding moguls that he’s the boss, famously calling out Disney CEO Bob Iger and routinely huddling with Fox executives in lobby bars of luxury hotels at Super Bowls; when I accidentally happened upon such a meeting six years ago in Houston, a security man bull-rushed toward my grill like Micah Parsons.

     As a businessman, clout-wielder and kingmaker, Jones belongs atop any sports Mount Richmore. But as a football man, he is a buffoon beyond hope. Having the most money and topping a Forbes list means nothing when winter arrives and, inevitably, he’s losing yet another big game. Please, it’s time everyone stops viewing his operation as a national thing. The Cowboys are just another wannabe that can’t figure it out, with a 19-12 loss to the 49ers further exposing what is terminally wrong. It was clownish enough that Jones and McCarthy allowed a kicker with yips, Brett Maher, to remain on the roster as he failed to convert his fifth extra-point attempt in two games, a plague that haunted the sideline throughout a winnable divisional playoff scrum in Santa Clara. Who could blame 49ers players, including standout left tackle Trent Williams, for razzing Maher during warmups, prompting Jones to have a chat with his rattled kicker? No relation to comedian Bill Maher, poor Brett was subjected to a grilling by Boss Jerry, who sure did help.

     Shank. Block. Cringe.

     Never mind that he later made two field goals. The psychological damage was done. That said, a bigger problem is McCarthy, the latest bad-idea coach appointed by Jones, and his failure to develop the 29-year-old Prescott into a dependable quarterback at a ridiculous $40 million annual pricetag. When he lined up at his own 6-yard line with 45 seconds left, only friends and family gave Prescott a shot to lead a quick touchdown drive. Next thing you knew, after a slew of poor quarterbacking decisions, Elliott was lining up at center in a weird formation at the Dallas 24, a play that ended in typical dysfunction when the 225-pound running back was steamrolled by Azeez Al-Shaair.

     “I really don't want to get into detail on it, but that obviously wasn't the plan," said McCarthy, whose late-game chaos and clock mismanagement are standard fare. “It's obviously a gadget play or whatever to end it.”

     Sometimes, gadget plays work. As long as Jones owns the Cowboys, they’ll never work. Prescott is symbolic of the misery, a centerpiece who falls short of football’s QB elite and is doomed to a career of injuries and underachievement. Before the season, when asked at training camp if it’s high time to win a championship, Jones praised Prescott and said, “Well, I need to win. I need to win it.” He even apprised his players and coaches of his desperation, telling them, “I’ve got a birthday coming up here real quick and I don’t have time to have a bad time. It ain’t on my schedule.”

     His 80th came and went. No one brought him a present in January. He had another bad time. “We’re sick. We’re sick. We’re sick,” he said, for emphasis. “This is very sickening not to win tonight.”

     Yet Jones defended McCarthy for his various foibles, including the Maher fiasco. When asked if he’ll consider a coaching change and hire his good friend Payton — and this could flip in an hour — Jones said, “No. No. No. Not at all. I don’t blame McCarthy a bit for this loss.” And he defended Prescott’s latest failure in the clutch, somehow rationalizing, “I thought we would win it because I've got such confidence in Dak. I’ll line up out there five times in that situation, and if we've got him at quarterback, I'll take my chances. So I'm just saying give me that setup a year in advance, a month in advance and give me him as the quarterback, and I feel very strongly that we'll win.”

     Huh? Really? How many times has Jones said that through the years? And how often has Prescott issued vows to get better? “I'm disappointed in the way that I've played. Those guys in that locker room gave it all. Both sides of the ball. And put me in a position to go win the game. And I wasn't able to do that," he said. “And, yeah, I mean, I put it on my shoulders. When you play this position, when you play for this organization, you've got to accept that. That's the reality of it. And it will make me better. It sucks, but I know when I wake up tomorrow, it will be the first thing on my mind and it will be as I carry it through in training as we get to the start of next season. It's about finding a way to get better, mastering everything we can to make sure we get over this hump, whatever it is, and give ourselves a chance of winning it all.”

     Winning it all? When, in the next millennium? The loss should jolt Jones into the harsh reality that no Super Bowl appearance is in his future. Recent scandalous developments also should accompany new retirement thoughts. Married to wife Gene since 1963 — they met on a blind date at the University of Arkansas — Jones reportedly paid nearly $3 million to Alexandra Davis, now a 25-year-old congressional aide, who says Jones is her biological father and filed a paternity suit against him last March. A Little Rock attorney and longtime Jones friend, Don Jack, told ESPN that Jones paid for Davis’ full tuition at SMU and gifted her a $70,000 Range Rover on her 16th birthday. Said Jack, also referencing Davis’ mother, whom Jones met in 1995 when she worked as an airline ticket-counter agent in Arkansas: “On numerous occasions I have made payments on behalf of Mr. Jones to Cindy and Alex Davis.” Those payments included “monthly payments for child support which ultimately totaled over $2 million,” Jack said.

     That wasn’t all. Jones’ longtime publicist and media protector, Cowboys executive vice president Rich Dalrymple, was accused by four members of the team’s legendary cheerleading squad of voyeurism. One woman alleged that Dalrymple watched the cheerleaders undress with his iPhone “extended toward them.” Jones paid out $2.4 million in confidential settlements but fell short of assigning guilt to Dalrymple, who promptly retired.

     “First of all, the cheerleaders are iconic,” Jones told a TV station. “A vital part of what our organization is. ... We took these allegations very seriously. We immediately began an investigation into the situation. I can assure you that had we found that it need be, there would have been firings or there would have been suspensions. As it turns out, in the best interest of our cheerleaders, and the best interest of the organization, in the best interest of our fans, what we decided to do was show the cheerleaders how seriously we took these allegations and we wanted them to know that we were real serious and so the settlement was the way to go.”

     Jones also found trouble that apparently wasn’t his fault. Why he drives a vehicle these days and doesn’t have a chauffeur, I have no idea. But he was transported to a Dallas hospital after his car was struck by a Hyundai Sonata driven by a man making a DoorDash delivery. Police said the DoorDash guy was making an improper turn. Beyond “a couple of shins that were scraped up” and “a knot on my head,” Jones wasn’t injured and was released. “The guy got beside me and was actually turning back and coming up in the other lane,” he said. “It could have been bad for him. It was a t-bone deal.”

     There was more. “Believe it or not,” Jones said, “he is suing me.”

     And all of that was just in 2022. What possibly is next?

     He’s a smart man, but is he smart enough to get out before it’s too late? If it isn’t already? How perfect that the Buffalo Bills, ranked 29th in current NFL franchise valuations at $3.4 billion, were a much bigger story in America. Jones can have his $16 billion net worth. It’s meaningless when seasons always end with the same “sick” feeling.

     Every time ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith unleashes a Cowboys-mocking rant, I wonder what happened to Jones. An owner who creates $8 billion in value, for a team he purchased for $150 million, should be far beyond ridicule at this stage of life. But when Smith arrived at the Cowboys’ complex in Frisco for a hate-me taping of “First Take,” in front of a hostile audience, guess who gave Stephen A. a helicopter ride to the studio set?

     Jerry Jones couldn’t resist. If he no longer can win a big game, at least he’ll always have face time. The joke is on him.

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     Jay Mariotti, called “without question the most impacting Chicago sportswriter of the past quarter-century,’’ writes general sports columns for Substack while appearing on some of the 1,678,498 podcasts and shows in production today. He is an accomplished columnist, TV panelist and talk/podcast host. Living in Los Angeles, he gravitated by osmosis to film projects.